Someday they won't need me

I have a wonderful series of weekends coming up.

Next weekend: Half marathon!

Weekend after that: My sister, brother in law, niece, and nephew are visiting!

Weekend after that: Girl's weekend in Richmond with my besties!

Yep, that's right, the lady who spent 9 months breaking out into a cold sweat about leaving my child to go to the hospital to have another baby is willing packing up and leaving town.

3 years ago, the four of us met up in Richmond and had a wild night on the town. 3 of us live here, in Baltimore, so we get to hang out all the time, but someone always has to ruin it. Our fourth partner in crime had to move all the way to North Carolina. Richmond is a halfway-ish point.




In the three years since we've met up, we've wanted to do it again, but pregnancies, babies, and life got in the way. We had talked generally about maybe doing it this fall. Then a minor miracle happened. Someone threw out the date of October 29 and...everyone was free. Choosing a date didn't take 57 emails and the sacrifice of a virgin, we somehow all were free that weekend, our husbands were all free to take over parenting duties, and it was on.

Clearly in competent hands. (I kid.)

I won't lie, when I got the official email that the reservations had been made, my heart started pounding. I'm not anxious about my kids' care, since they'll be with Eric. It's more just that I feel time is so precious while they are at these adorable, fun ages, and it feels like a sacrifice to willingly give up any time with them. I already have to leave them 40 hours a week for work, so to spend a large chunk of the weekend away feels wrong. I miss them like crazy the second they leave for daycare, and I cherish my weekends of nonstop time with them. Plus, of course, there's the guilt, especially now that Dalton is old enough to understand and cry "mommy".

I mean...just look at how funny and adorable he is! While I was getting Royce out of the car, he just plopped down with his doggies, and read his potty book.

And Royce is just the definition of cute. 

"Check out my awesome plaid pants!" 

I could have said no, of course. I didn't though, because at some point in the past two years, it occurred to me that there will come a time when my life won't be centered around my kids. I need to make my friends a priority too. I've been friends with Carolyn and Nicole since freshmen year of college, and Casi since we were in middle school! I think it's safe to say they are around for the long haul.

Carolyn and I once made a pact that we wouldn't be "those moms" that just talk about their kids all the time. File that under "dumb things I said before I was a parent", right under "MY kids will never behave that way". Karma is just beginning its epic bitch slap for that last one. There's just no way to ever understand how all consuming motherhood is until you're here. I thought it would change my lifestyle; I didn't understand it would change me. How could I? Who does?

I don't remember when it happened, but I know it took longer than I would have expected/it should have for me to come up for air and have this realization. In the thick of diapers and middle of the night feedings, it's easy to think "this is parenting". And it is, of course, a part of parenting, but that's all it is, a tiny little part. There will come a time where my kids don't need me. Of course, even typing that, I'm simultaneously tearing up and not truly believing it, since I'm still in the stage where they do need me, for everything. It's hard to imagine that if I do my job right, there will come a time where that won't be the case.

Just loving on each other, as usual. 

So all that to say - I'm going to Richmond, for one night, with my besties. It's going to be so amazing that I'm more excited about spending time with them than a night of uninterrupted sleep (especially since, let's get real, it's not going to be uninterrupted, I'm going to wake up in a world of pain and have to pump at some ungodly hour).