I swear we were just bringing this tiny, 6 ½ pound little bundle home from the hospital.
Today Dalton is 12 weeks old, and this marks the last week of my 12 week maternity leave.
|12 weeks makes a big difference in size!|
Hey, Obama - the free breast pump was great and all, and much appreciated, but how about some decent maternity leave so I don’t have to leave my baby when he’s still practically a fetus and then I wouldn’t need to rely on a pump? Although I recognize I’m more fortunate than many women. I was allowed to use 6 weeks of my accumulated sick time to get paid, and then I even got two extra weeks on top of that because I was lucky enough to need a c-section. The rest was unpaid, even though I have more than enough sick time to cover it.
I’m not thrilled about going back to work. However, I no longer dread it and would rather have another root canal, which is a huge improvement for me. I was able to type that without crying. I’m able to see some positives. I went in last week to visit, and it was really fun. I work with a lot of great people and I’m looking forward to seeing them every day again. I never really thought I would say this, but I’m even looking forward to using my brain again. And, of course, I’m home right now but Dalton is sleeping, so it’s not like I would get to spend every single second of my time with him even if I could be a SAHM. For the record, I really, really would give anything to do that, but that doesn’t pay the bills.
I’m glad I have a job I enjoy, and I truly do miss my students and am excited to see them again, it’s just the whole leaving my baby thing that isn’t working for me. It’s weird because when I was pregnant, I was sure I wasn’t qualified to care for an infant. I couldn’t even believe they let me leave the hospital with him. But now I feel like, aside from his father, no one else can possibly care for him. I know this is illogical. We have a wonderful daycare provider that we love. She’s been doing daycare for 25 years (mostly staying with kids from infancy to kindergarten) and has two grown, successful children of her own. In a contest, her experience clearly trumps mine by quite a bit and I know he will be fine. But I still don’t want to turn him over. I’m his mother, and no one is going to love him like I do.
Thinking about how much I am going to miss him breaks my heart. I keep trying to remind myself it’s not like he’s going away to boarding school, I’ll see him every day and we still have many fun times together ahead. Millions of women and babies have done this and survived. It still sucks. I want to be with my baby. I’ve warned everyone I will be spending the first few days back crying at least 70% of the time.
Aside from the emotional component, logistically work is going to be a real pain in the ass. It’s one thing to wake up 4-5 times a night with a baby when you don’t have anywhere to be in the morning. I can get three hours of broken sleep and still change a diaper like a pro. I’m not sure I can say the same about staying on top of the education for 50 ten year olds or attending meetings to speak about data and curriculum and attempt to sound intelligent. And dealing with the pumping, bottles, sending stuff to daycare – just mathematically it sounds so complicated. But I know it will work out, and one way or another this kid will get fed. I’ll most likely be exhausted, but that’s why God invented coffee.
The timing is nice, I get to ease in with just two days of work and then a nice long Christmas break that the three of us get to spend together. Tomorrow, Dalton and I are going in to attend my team’s planning meeting to get ready. I’m looking forward to it! See, if I could just take him with me, I’d be perfectly fine.
We’re soaking in every glorious moment of this last week together full time. Yesterday we met Carolyn and Nathan for a stroller walk in a park, since it was 50 degrees and sunny a week before Christmas.
We have some other fun plans with friends and I’m just getting all the snuggle time on the couch that I can.
|Love that little face so much.|