Tuesday, August 5, 2014

When dreams come true

Once the third trimester hit, life has been filled with that "it's getting REAL" feeling. I was filling out paperwork at the hospital and in the blank under "mother's name" I aimed my pen to write a "J", for my own mother's name (Joy). Then I realized that meant me. I am the mother. Yikes.

People keep asking if we are ready. Can someone let me know when that magic moment comes when you are like "YES. I am 100% ready to take on being responsible for another life right this second,"? I'm not there yet, in case you couldn't tell. I'm getting extremely anxious to meet him. But I'm fairly sure that's different than "ready".

We have made some major strides. I ordered my breast pump (thanks Obama!) and scheduled a meeting with a pediatrician. We turned in the paperwork for maternity/paternity leave. I'm supposed to be reorganizing the linen closet right now (edited to add: I have since done this). Fascinating, right?

Last week, my dreams literally came true. I found out that Orange is the New Black has 13 episodes in a season, not a mere ten like Game of Thrones, which was awesome, but it got even better than that.

We met with a day care provider Tuesday. The night before, I had a dream that the meeting went great and the woman let us put down a deposit and it was all done and over with. It was one of those dreams where you are ecstatically happy in the dream and then you wake up and are like WHY CAN'T THAT BE REAL. I don't think I've felt it to that degree since I was a kid and I dreamed I could have all the toys in the toy store and I still remember the ecstasy of that dream.

There's a lot to do to prepare for a baby, way more than I would expect for a person who (I hope to GOD) weighs less than ten pounds. But absolutely nothing has been nearly as stressful as finding someone that you are comfortable with entrusting your child's life to for 50+ hours each week. Starting at 3 months old. Plus the small matter of being able to afford this trustworthy person's services, and needing it to be located reasonably close to your job/home. If that isn't tough enough, if you are lucky enough to find such a situation, they also have to have a spot open for your baby, and be willing to let you reserve it before the child even arrives. Unless you want to continue this search for the holy grail on top of caring for an infant, which I do not.

My dream did come true, we loved the daycare, they had a Game of Thrones poster up (it's in home), AND they took our deposit. I was about an inch away from getting down on my hands and knees and just begging them to take our money. It was recommended by a friend that I teach with, and her daughter has been happily going there since she was 12 weeks old. The fact that our child won't have to start caring for himself before he can even sit up is a huge, huge, HUGE weight off my shoulders.

We are also proud graduates of baby care class, and breastfeeding class. The second baby care class focused on safety. We watched a video about childproofing. My takeaway was to throw everyone you own away, clean your house excessively, and start over with all foam furniture. Stop cleaning (or at least using cleaning products), taking medications, or using heat to prepare food.

Eric was a little nervous about the breastfeeding class. In childbirth class (not to be confused with the other two classes, we have not yet completed this one) they told us about a new mothers group that we can attend postpartum. They made it very clear that the closest fathers could get was to drop off their wives and babies, and even that was only if the wife wasn't yet cleared for driving. Then they had the option of waiting in the car, or leaving and coming back later. So he was a little unsure if he would be welcome in breastfeeding class.

I assured him it was fine, but when we were walking down the hall to the auditorium with a bunch of pregnant women and no men he began to doubt me. I tried to explain that those women clearly had better memories and must remain cooler under pressure than I do, and I think they heard me, but I was complimenting them so it was fine. He was also unclear since, unlike general baby care or even birth, obviously this will be a pretty much be a venture for just me and the baby. But he understood once I pointed out that one of us is going to be suffering from adjusting to the transition of having just entered the world, and one of us is going to be exhausted and strung out on insane hormones. As a third party, it will be in his best interest to be informed. And plenty of other men showed up.

The class was pretty good, but they spent a significant amount of time focusing on the reasons women should breastfeed. I've noticed this in my reading as well. I guess it makes sense to try to convince people of a certain parenting choice in books, since I skeptically checked out some books on natural childbirth to explore my options. (Spoiler alert  - I'm going with the epidural.) But if I'm taking time out of my Saturday to attend a class, my mind is pretty much made up. No further convincing required.

I have back to school night during our final childbirth class, which focuses on post partum, so the hospital let us attend a different session. My takeaway from that was OMG. There wasn't actually anything shared that I haven't already heard from friends, but there's something different about hearing it from a L&D nurse in the hospital where you're going to deliver in less than two months. My doctor only lets patients go 10 days past their due date, which for me would be October 3. So no matter what happens, we will officially have a baby in less than two months from today.

It's commonly known (if you are interested in reproducing) that most first time mothers have their babies past their due dates. My due date is September 23. I've strongly felt that the baby will arrive closer to or in October. It's not a desire, obviously I'll be thrilled to see him whenever he makes an appearance, it's just what my mother's intuition predicts. But now I'm really trying to get it through my head that this isn't a guarantee - it's entirely possible for first time moms to go into labor before their due date. I just can't accept that I could have less time, especially since my intuition about the sex was dead on. We want to be "ready" in terms of the nursery, car seat, and hospital bag before school begins, so theoretically an early arrival would be fine, but I just can't shake my confidence that he will be late. So now that's out there, and I can look forward to triumphantly being right again.

Another text heavy post. We can all look forward to these being broken up with adorable pictures once the baby arrives, at any rate.

What would be your dream come true right now?


  1. To win the lottery and never work again?

    Maybe you'll go into labor on your due date but deliver two days later like I did :)

  2. I think they spend lots of time on the vendors of breastfeeding because many women struggle with it in the beginning and they want you to have all those facts on your head to persevere through the hard parts. For me it was definitely worth the effort. Congratulations on finding a good daycare! It is a huge step!

  3. Dream come true = getting paid (somehow) to travel. Oh man.

    And also-- I don't think anyone is ever 100% ready to be a parent, or at least in my world. If I have to wait til I'm totally confident, I'll be a grandma!

  4. We took a birthing class and missed the last class because we had H two hours before it started. I thought about stopping by and teaching the last class. ;)

  5. My true dream is for you to have that baby on my birthday, Oct 1, in case you need some motivation.

    Justin attended the breastfeeding class with me also, and it was smart because he remembered a lot of stuff I didn't know. They probably didn't mention it, but there might be a time (I hope not!!) at 2am when you're sobbing because it is so stressful, and Eric will say to you, let's just give him a bottle of formula. That might make you cry even more (spoiler, this happened with boy my children). But you'll get through it. You've got a ton of amazing friends to lean on for advice and support.


Thanks for commenting! Comments make me probably more happy than they should.