Ways my baby is a jerk

Misery loves company. I've read some posts lately complaining about inconsiderate babies doing completely normal baby things that prevent their parents from doing whatever they want, whenever they want, and generally make life as a mom living hell. Wasn't it enough that I had to get FAT creating him?! Here's my list of such offenses so we can all suffer together. 

Needing to eat: I, and everyone I know, only eat 3, maybe 4 times a day at most. This kid eats 8 times daily. Maybe 7 here and there. He even has the audacity to demand food at completely inconvenient times. Like when I want a cup of coffee. Or when I'm hungry and want to sit down to a meal myself. Unacceptable. Apparently the only way for me to have a moment of peace is to pay someone else to deal with him. Why aren't daycares open 7 days a week?



Not even exaggerating, he cries daily. You would think it's his only way to communicate.

Bathroom: Months after birth and he's not even potty trained yet. He is rude enough to dirty a diaper I just put on him. It's clearly on purpose. Often when I have just sat down to relax and I'm forced to get back up and do a second diaper change. Ridiculous.

                                                     ~~ No picture here, for obvious reasons~~

                     

Sleep: He sleeps like a baby, but not in the way that the idiom promised. More like frequently waking up at times when I would like to be sleeping, or when I'm busy. He has the nerve to interrupt my beauty rest at night demanding to eat, be changed, or for no clear reason which I can only attribute to making sure I'm still there after leaving him to go to work all day. DUH, baby, I'm right next door, learn some object permanence already would ya? Then he will engage in nonsense like take a 30 minute nap when I wanted 52 minutes to watch a show on Netflix. Oh I mean um, work.

This photo was taken at 5am. Can you even believe a baby woke us up at such an ungodly hour?

 

Entertainment: Dalton will be four months old friday and I thought that by now I could take a cute photo for Instagram and then he would play quietly by himself in a corner and not bother me. BUT NO. He still demands for me to amuse him and interact with him constantly.

Um, we did not have a baby just to play with him all the time.

What's worse is that based on my observations of my friends' older babies, my nephew, and my own experiences as a first grade teacher, this crap could continue for like, ten years. I didn't sign on for parenting being a 24/7 job. I was thinking it was more like 2 hours a day or so. When can I just work out and browse the internet whenever I feel like it again? Life was so great then.

What totally expected and normal jerky things have your family members done lately? Responses regarding humans only please, not interested in pet stories here at Chocolate is my Life.

Disclaimer - in case you haven't noticed from the rest of my blog, I'm obsessed with my baby and hate leaving him to even go to the grocery store. This post was written tongue in cheek.