If my experience is anything to go by, as a new parent, you'll constantly be plagued by confusion and doubt over every decision. Yet the universe hooks you up. While that can shake your self confidence quite a bit, it gets built back up. Suddenly things that you never gave a second thought to, like simple household tasks, or even things necessary for basic survival suddenly feel like award winning achievements.

Including, but not limited to:

• Making meals
• Eating meals
• Showering
• Cleaning
• Doing laundry
• Putting away laundry
• Doing dishes or even just one of the dishes in the sink
• Getting groceries
• Making necessary phone calls (like, business-y things, not just to family where you can hang up on them if the baby starts crying or forget words without being judged)
• Going outside

I completed my first postpartum workout too! I vacuumed every room with Dalton in the Ergo (and he didn't even wake up). I was sweating and honestly considered putting it on Daily Mile.

Essentially, doing even the tiniest task on top of keeping the baby healthy, dry, and fed deserves a mental pat on the back in my mind. Maybe other people are more capable, but that's where I am. My mom gave me the advice that my only job right now is to care for him and me, and I think that's the best way to look at things.

Day in the life- Halloween

I know the internet is divided with love/hate over "Day in the Life" posts, but I enjoyed reading the ones about life with a baby while pregnant. I still like to, I just realize now that not only is every baby completely different, but at this age, every day is pretty different. I mean, they all contain the same elements (eating, sleeping, diapers, "playing", crying, cuteness), but at different times and in different orders.

I'm enjoying them less now because I'm finding it amazing how some bloggers turn something factual into sounding so angry. Like, ZOMG, who knew that a day in the life after having a baby would include so much of the baby? So I'm writing my own (hopefully) non-resentful one. Just be glad I didn't subject you to my monthly letters to Dalton, I'm keeping those private.
 

A few notes:

• It was actually much harder than I thought it would be to keep track of what we did all day.
• I have some really exact times because I use an app (Sprout) to time feedings, the rest are more approximates.
• I didn't include all diaper changes because there's no need, just don't think I change my baby only 3 times a day and just let his bum rot the rest of the time. 
• I think it's gross when people say babies "had dinner" or inexplicably even worse "a snack" so I will just be referring to "feedings".  
• The day we are discussing was Halloween and Dalton is five weeks old.
• After rereading, I feel like I do talk about a lot of fussy times for Dalton, but I'm not trying to make him look bad, we all have our good and not so good days.

 

1:30 am: Wake up and pump - we had this idea that since Eric is a night owl he could do this feeding so I could stay asleep, but the girls weren't on board with that. We're working on revamping things.

4am: Eric gives Dalton a bottle (I stayed asleep) - he's often up earlier, closer to the time I pump, but not that night I guess! Babies do their own thing.

6:03am: I feed Dalton and he goes right back to sleep, which is a major win because that's my plan too.
 

7:27am: Dalton wakes up crying. I move the party out to the living room and feed Dalton briefly and he falls asleep, so I think he was just lonely, not hungry. I'm still learning! I watch the Today show and drink coffee and cuddle while he sleeps.

I've been practically peeing my pants with excitement over the Halloween costume reveal. Every year I miss it because of work and I finally got to watch. It was all I hoped it would be and more. I need to have a fall baby every year from now on. (I usually try to pump at some point after a morning feeding to add to my freezer stash but I got too swept up in the SNLToday excitement and forgot.)
 

9:25am: I reluctantly put Dalton down in his bouncer so I can eat breakfast.
 

9:35am: Dalton wakes up and wants to eat for real (breakfast is long done, I've learned to eat fast!). He's still sleepy so I have to keep him awake to eat by stroking his cheek and jaw. Side note - autocorrect changed "stroking" to "striking" in that sentence so good thing I caught it. I also unswaddle him and change his diaper. And this happens: 

10-11am: - We hang out, sing, "play" (he's a little too young to really play yet so it's more me making a fool of myself and pretending he's participating, mainly through voiceovers), have some tummy time, attempt to read a book (he's not a fan yet).

 

See, I swear he's having fun with me!

 

We are trying to get him used to his crib (so he will eventually sleep there) by doing some tummy time/hangout awake time in it each day. No idea if his memory is long enough to make this effective whatsoever, and google wasn't sure either, but it probably can't hurt. About a hour of happy awake time is his limit, so he's fussy and yawning by 11.

 

11:00: Time to calm things down and get him back to sleep. I'm not terribly successful.

 

11:15: I try to put him in the ergo (baby wearing thing) to cheer him up, realize he's hungry, so I feed him instead. Obviously.

11:50: A diaper change leaves him exhausted but wide awake and quite displeased with those feelings. Those diaper changes always do that. I soothe him with The Happiest Baby on the Block methods.

12:00pm: He's drowsy, so I put him in the Mamaroo to try to put himself to sleep. The pediatrician and the nurse at my mom's group recommended putting him down sleepy but awake to get him used to putting himself to sleep. It's hit or miss, this time is a miss.

 

12:20: I put him back in the Ergo, which usually cheers him up, and we head outside for a walk. On our way out, we run into a neighbor, who asks me when I'm due. I point to Dalton and say "he's right here". Maybe she doesn't understand how pregnancy works?

 

12:30-1:00pm: 30 min walk, Dalton is happy (I assume) and goes right to sleep.

The baby strapped to your body means he's already been born.

1-1:30: I keep Dalton on and make chili in the crockpot for dinner while listening to halloween station on Pandora. It was quite disappointing. I'm not sure what I expected, but it should just be Monster Mash and Thriller on repeat.

 

I had a picture of me browning the ground beef because most people never thought they would see the day, but that's gross and no one wants to see it. The finished product isn't beautiful either but we all know chili is delicious.

1:30: I feed Dalton, change his diaper and give him a water dunk in his bathtub (the pediatrician said to soak his lower half in water twice a day), and try to cheer him up when he gets a little cranky.

 

2:35: I hand Dalton over to Eric to try his luck soothing him and go take a shower. (He's not a deadbeat dad, I was trying my hand at independence to prepare for him going back to work on Thursday.)

 

3:30: I eat lunch while watching Les Mis (surprisingly Eric's choice, I can never not watch it if it's on TV) and Dalton falls asleep on Eric.

4:30: Dalton wakes up to eat and get a diaper change, he falls right back asleep on me around 5 or so. We were going to put him in his costume and take him for a walk, but we missed our window! We should have done that to calm him down earlier. More new parent fails.

6:23: Dalton wakes up again and gets another diaper change and his real bath, and he finally gets his costume on! Is there a way to give an infant a bath without getting soaked yourself? If so, we're doing it wrong. 

6:46: I feed Dalton. Because like his mom, he responds poorly to hanger.

 

Exhibit A:

Before eating

 

 

Exhibit B:

After eating.

 

7:10: Halloween photo shoot while blasting Thriller. It's hilarious and adorable.

 

STOP. I can't handle it.

 

7:40: Dalton gets fussy and doesn't respond to the usual so I feed him again, and he's starved like he's been in prison camp and not just an unwilling pawn for his parents to dress up and photograph. Babies and their super tiny bellies, amiright? He falls asleep in my lap again after he eats, and I put him back in the Mamaroo.

8:30: Chili time. I wanted to make cornbread to go with it but the Halloween photo shoot took precedence. Can't do it all. We watch an episode of New Girl while we eat. 

 

9:10: I get the coffee maker set up for the morning. The most crucial part of any evening.

9:20: I was going to have wine and cookies but instead get in bed because I'm feeling a little sick and achy. I screw around on my phone for ten minutes or so then go to sleep.

10:25: I feed Dalton in bed.

 

11:00: Go back to sleep.

 

Day in the Life posts - love or hate?

How much Halloween candy did you eat and what kind was the best? We didn't buy any because we don't get trick or treaters, but we went over to our friends' house the next night and they begged us to help them out with all their leftover candy. My favorite was the Reese's peanut butter cup (not pieces).

 

 

Post partum exercise - it's maybe coming back like sexy

My six week post baby checkup is this week. This is the appointment when generally women are cleared to work out. Well, at least everyone I know in my real life gets cleared then. Somehow everyone who blogs and has a baby gets doctor permission to start running as early as 2 weeks. Weird, right?

No big deal, I just created a human, I can totally go for a run 10 days later.

Anyway, I thought it would be a good time to start my "Body After Baby" pictures. Here's what I look like now, 5 weeks and 5 days postpartum.



Sorry I cut off my head, and forgot to wear my wedding ring, and posed in front of that weird yellow background that makes it look like a stock google image, but at least I got that nice French manicure for it, right?

So, exercise. It's about to be back in my life. I have actually gotten to the point where I miss it and I'm eager to get back to it, which I didn't expect. For the past week or so I've been walking 2-3 miles a day and feeling good. But don't expect to see any long runs (meaning like, 5+ miles) or craziness on here anytime soon.

I added the "+" above when I realized I used to be able to walk five miles in this time.

This is for several reasons:

1. Clearance does not mean necessity. Sure, my doctor may clear me. But that's going to be based on how my body looks in her office, that day, while I'm on the table. She's not going to meet me at my house to run along next to me and continually monitor my health. She's going to check if I'm healing appropriately, and then trust me to be an adult and make smart decisions. I'm not going to go run a mile, start feeling pain, and be like "oh well, Dr. C. said I'm cleared, 4 more it is!".

2. I like to err on the side of caution. Here's how I see it. Let's say I wait a few more weeks to run. Maybe even longer. I just stick to walks like I've been doing, and gradually phase in more strenuous exercise if I want. What bad things may happen? None of them. But maybe I push it right away because I can, and I want to impress the internet. That might work out fine too, but it also might delay my recovery or cause further problems. As much as I want to run, it still kind of scares me in terms of how it will feel/affect my incision. I'm not rushing things.

Walking is fun! It's fall! Pointless sneaker picture!

3. Ain't nobody got time for that. I have a baby. We have no schedule over here yet. Dalton eats when he's hungry, and sleeps when he's tired, and that's about it because five week old babies don't do much else. When he's awake, he likes to be held, because he is, you know, a baby.

It's torture. Absolutely terrible.

I don't find this shocking, because prior to having him, I did some stuff like talk to other moms and spend some time with infants. I like it too, so we're in agreement there. I'm thinking that we can continue our stroller and Ergo walks, weather permitting. When he falls asleep for a "nap" (it seems weird calling it that because all his sleep is random and in smaller increments, but I guess during the daytime that's what it technically is), I can grab a short workout DVD to do or walk/run on the treadmill. Or I can have a meal or shower or clean or blog or eat cookies.

I'll make a game day decision each time. But I'm not stressing myself out over trying to follow some sort of arbitrary exercise plan. Right now my full time job is baby care (Eric's going back to work this week, which means I'll have to start doing what every other mom has been doing for the past five weeks), so if I get other stuff in, great. If not, not. 

4. Another thing I'm not stressing over is losing the baby weight (see above cookie picture). I won't lie, it was exciting having that Biggest Loser scale moment at the doctor's office for my two week postpartum appointment. Except, you know, it wasn't actual weight loss like on the show, it was expelling a human and all the surrounding materials used to grow him and keep him alive from my body. If I'm being really honest, I'm not looking forward to weighing in next time, because I know the number is probably going to be about the same, four weeks later.

However, I've developed a really innovative way not to stress over it the rest of the time. I just don't weigh myself! I don't try on my pre-pregnancy jeans! God invented elastic waistbands for a reason, and I think this is it. I put them on, and if I get tempted to step on the scale, I just pick up my baby and snuggle instead. It's more fun, I'm sure, not that I would know since I haven't tried the scale option yet. If he's not in the mood for that, there's always wine. Call me crazy, but all my postpartum stress has been baby related, because all of the sudden having a tiny helpless human 100% dependent on you for literally everything is a game changer. I'm not saying that stressing over your baby and your body are mutually exclusive, but there's only so much room in my brain and one of them had to go.

 

 



And it wasn't this one.



Random question - would you rather give up cookies or booze forever? It would break my heart but I would have to say cookies. 10 months as a teetotaler was enough.

 

Remembering is hard

People told me that once I had a baby I wouldn't be able to remember/imagine life without him. I had a problem with that because mathematically, it just didn't make sense.

He's cute and all, but not a Men in Black style mind eraser.

Even if I counted the time I was pregnant as "with" him, which I don't, I had 30.5 years under my belt as a non parent. Somehow, it turned out to be kind of true though. I mean, I can obviously remember my life just fine, but it does seem like a million years ago that I was pregnant and we were a family of two, not just LAST MONTH. In fact, there are a whole bunch of things that I feel like I actually can't really remember or just seem ridiculous (I just have stuff I want to say so I'm pretending it has a theme).

I can barely remember:

1. Weird pregnancy anxiety things

I guess it's not that weird but when I was pregnant I kept thinking "I love sleep SO MUCH how am I going to deal with a crying baby waking me up all the time?". And it would be incredibly annoying having a stranger constantly interrupting your sleep, which is what I imagined, because he was a stranger at that time. But once the baby is born, he's not a stranger anymore, and it's not some random baby needing my attention at 3am, it's a member of my family that I'm happy/desperate to help. I'm not saying I won't be excited when way down the line I get a full night of sleep. I might not even be saying anything that makes sense. But past pregnant me would have been relieved to read that yes, of course it's exhausting, but not terrible getting up with your own precious tiny baby. Now when he's older, that might be a whole different story, but we're still solidly in the time where it's completely expected so that's how I feel at this moment. I was also scared that I wouldn't bond with Dalton and I think I've documented here that that has been far from true.

2. Doing things two handed

Kind of a lie because I am typing two handed now, but I've learned to let go of the expectation that it's a given and I've learned to do so much one handed. I can brush my teeth with just my non dominant hand now.

3. Being full

When Dalton was in my belly I sometimes felt Thanksgiving dinner level full on half a sandwich. Now that he's on the outside and I am actually "eating for two", being full is a thing of the past. I just pack snacks anywhere I go and accept that the best I can hope for is "less hungry".

4. Laying on my belly

The whole thing is still very tender to the touch and I steer clear. Someday, I will experience that joy again.

5. Kicks in my belly

I legitimately forgot what these feel like immediately! I just made my friend let me feel her baby's butt through her belly to try to bring it back. Is this normal? It's so sad!

6. Wearing different outfits

A nursing tank top, yoga pants and my Charm City Run Christmas gift, a Brooks jacket that I was smart enough to get in a size up in case I finally ever got pregnant has been my daily uniform. I could theoretically wear other shirts but then nursing gets more complicated. When he was first born I could wear dresses and that opened up my wardrobe quite a bit. Now it's too cold out unless I get all fancy with tights. But then I have to wear real shoes and not my Northface flip flops that I have literally worn every single day since the school year began with the exception of the day I went into labor when I was getting observed by a billion people. Maybe I'm fooling myself because I don't want to face wearing pants in a larger size but I did try on one pair of pants that zip and button (fat pants, clearly) and it was very uncomfortable. Girls say they have nothing to wear and it's an exaggeration usually, but this time, nope.

7. Being active

I've actually kind of gotten to the point where I miss running. The problem is I feel confident that how I remember it and how it will actually be are not one and the same. Not the same at all. The thought that I ever once ran 26.2 or more miles at once is mind boggling. I can't imagine running one now.

From the days when I ran ten mile races like it was NBD.

A picture with ALL THE SPORTS seemed fitting here

8. Contractions

I most certainly do remember these but the memory is starting to slightly fade and become less vivid, which will only continue as proven by the fact that multiple child families exist. I still shudder at the thought but it's not quite at the Theon Greyjoy/Reek level of horror that it was.

 

Cute baby palate cleanser needed after remembering those awful scenes from season 3.

That time it was cold out and I thought maybe he was big enough for his adorable little baby peacoat.


9. Not waking up in a panic like when you miss your alarm and you wake up ten minutes after you were supposed to leave

The first week home one of us woke up and frantically searched the bed for the baby at least ten times per night, certain we'd fallen asleep with him and lost him in the bedsheets. Knock on wood, this never actually happened, every time he was safely sleeping in his own bed next to us. I hear this is quite common, though. We both still wake up with a start no matter what because IS THE BABY OK ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED WHILE ASLEEP. Now that he is occasionally starting to have some longer stretches of sleep, it's even more frightening. The first time we woke him up to eat and good lord was that a mistake. The next time I just stared at him and googled "four week old asleep ___ hours" and finally posted it in the mommy FB group and of course even at 3:30am I got immediate answers and the unanimous response was "go back to sleep yourself".

I feel obligated to note due to annoying internet mommy bragging that this is not me saying "look at my one month old sleeping through the night bitches!" or anything of the sort. I don't even know what qualifies as "night" right now, his whole life is just a series of eating and sleeping. This is just referring to times he slept a bit longer than other times and my crazy paranoid new mom reaction. It's not just me though. The other day Eric came out of the shower while I had Dalton in the bouncer "watching" me cook dinner in the kitchen. He came racing into the kitchen demanding "WHERE IS HE" and I was like "um look down". His initial reaction was apparently not only thinking that I lost the baby, but that my next move was "well, dinner sure ain't gonna cook itself".

 

What did you think you would never forget but now find you can barely remember?

 

An unexpected marriage booster

I'm not exactly someone one might refer to as "socially adept".

Please help me, I don't know how to act when doing things with people.

Not because I'm a jerk or I act like Sheldon Cooper or anything, just because I struggle with awkwardness and the more new people I'm around, the more uncomfortable and awkward I get. Which is why for the past few years I've exclusively turned to the internet when I want to add to my social circle. But I did the unthinkable and didn't scare away real life people, and reaped the rewards after the new mothers group last week.

 I ONLY have him programmed in that way in case of emergency (and it has worked in the past).

We went out for the pregnancy forbidden food, sushi.

We rolled in swinging our three babies in their car seats, taking over the largest table in the restaurant as all the business people enjoying their lunch looked up in horror. The kids were really good though! I even nursed Dalton in my lap while still eating sushi (not with chopsticks, I'm too white for that). We've come a long way since the days when it would require all four hands from both his parents for him to eat successfully.

The week's excitement did not end there.

Um, how did this happen?

I was reading something last weekend that referenced October 23 (Dalton's one month birthday) as part of the upcoming week, and I was positive that there was some mistake, either I was reading it wrong (a common problem these days) or the writer was incorrect. I pulled out the calendar and everything. But it was correct, and somehow October passed in a wonderful blur and it's been a month since he arrived. My previous childless self reading this would have rolled my eyes and been like "um, it's a month, he's not off to college, pull yourself together". But those days are done and now I get why moms cry when packing up the outgrown clothes (he already doesn't fit in the outfit he wore home from the hospital!).

We celebrated a month of Dalton successfully surviving inept new parents by going to the happiest place on earth.

Baby's first Wegmans trip

I'm pretty sure he loved it, he slept in the Ergo the whole time but I know he felt happy, because it's impossible not to at Wegmans. It's important to honor his heritage as a half - Rochesterian baby.

Some other stuff happened. We went on a 2-ish mile stroller walk the past three days in a row!

My friend convinced me to get Snapchat - still not convinced it's not just for drunken nudie pic sharing.

None of these walks ended with me in immense pain or with signs that I might hemorrhage and die. I even pushed the stroller for about a third of the time.

Even better, Friday's walk was back to the pumpkin farm.

Everyone knows photo ops like this are the real reason people have babies.

Do not climb the pumpkins.... but it's ok to dress like one and have someone put you on there against your will.

Sometimes mommy brain pities you and throws you a bone. I can't remember what my husband said to me 45 seconds ago, but somehow it occurred to me that I never spent a generous gift card that my dad got me for my 27th birthday. I'm 31. And 4 months. Anyway, I used it for a much needed new bed set.

 

I even took the Boppy and burp cloths off for this picture to show the full effect.

It's so pretty and comfy and fluffy and I love it. I don't care if I'm not getting a solid 8 hours for a while, I'm enjoying whatever I do get even more now.

 

 

I watched a video of a C-section (a real one, not the one in Breaking Dawn). If you've been following this blog, and especially if you know me in real life, this should be shocking. Eric and I went to donate blood when we had been dating like a month. I got denied because I coughed, and I peaced out of there and let my friend stay with him because I hate needles/blood/anything medical so much.

The back story is, at the new mothers group, I brought up my frustration at being a month postpartum, and being able to do significantly less than I could at 9 months pregnant. I thought I was good at the whole "not comparing myself to others" thing. Then I realized that I was only good at not comparing myself to randoms on the internet, because we all know the world is full of crazy. I was comparing myself to friends though, because obviously they are people I respect and know are intelligent and not crazy. And they could all do more than walk across the street 4 weeks out.

The nurse who runs the group (who also taught childbirth class) told me that people who get the same surgery for other reasons are generally not working, driving, or doing anything but resting for 6-8 weeks. Women who get C-sections have the same incision and general procedure, but they are immediately caring for an infant (duh), which is essentially the opposite of resting. She also pointed out I might be extra sore since the doctor was most likely much rougher on the retractors and my organs since mine had to be carried out so fast (so hopefully if I end up having a scheduled one for the next kid recovery will be easier!). And, obviously, everyone is different so my body really doesn't give a crap what my friend or enemy or anyone else was doing after delivery, it will recover whenever it damn well feels like it.

The nurse he referenced the video we saw in class of a c section, and when I told Eric the story he was like "you saw that! You were sitting right next to me looking at the screen!". Yeah, well, I also bounced on the birthing ball and stared lovingly into your eyes while we practiced breathing through pretend contractions but that didn't turn out to be reality either. Clearly I had my eyes closed during the video.

But now it can't scare me anymore because my anxiety stems from when I perseverate on something until it becomes worse and worse in my mind (I'm looking at you, returning to work) but this already happened. The video was disgusting but also interesting. I want to watch another one, actually, because that one was for premature twins, and I want to see one similar to mine. It's actually kind of frightening how many videos of surgery are on YouTube.

 

A huge benefit in Eric's mind to the possibility of a planned c-section in the future is that he won't have to comfort me and can just enjoy watching the whole procedure. Him seeing my organs has really improved our marriage and brought us closer, which is an advantage I hear just isn't there for vaginal deliveries.

 

Are you fascinated or horrified by modern medicine? (Horrified in an "ew gross" way, not like let's bring it back to just biting a bullet while we saw your leg off like that scene in Gone with the Wind that I fast forward through every single time.)

 

 

 

Moms -this is what you need

I sincerely apologize. My kid is four weeks old today (time seriously PLEASE STOP) which makes me about 3 weeks late on my post about all the parenting things you need to be a successful parent like me.

OMG why do my feet sneak in to every picture I'm so sorry. Also Kari made him that sweet baby drool scarf!

Except I'm not planning on recommending baby stuff. When you're pregnant and looking for advice it can be extremely stressful because all your mom friends are willing to help, which is wonderful, but they all recommend different stuff. Probably because they all have different babies. So until someone invents a device to ask your unborn fetus which swaddler or bottle or bed he will prefer once he is a member of the outside world, it's a crapshoot. Sure, people can let you know which items have features that are helpful to parents, but unless it's an item that's exclusively for adult use, like a wipes dispenser or monitor, it doesn't matter how parent friendly it is if your baby hates it.

My baby is four weeks old. I know nothing, like Jon Snow. With that disclaimer, here we go - what new moms need.

1. Ice

With nutso hormonal hot flashes and, if you're breastfeeding, unquenchable thirst, you'll need to drink approximately 95 large glasses of ice water daily.

Because you clearly didn't know what a glass of water looks like.

Every time you reach for your water it will be empty because you just chugged it and then immediately forgot what just happened (this applies to everything, not just drinking). If you were smart enough to get a fridge with an ice dispenser, this won't be an issue, but if, like me, you don't live this life of luxury and have to fill up ice trays like a pauper, you have to stay on top of things. People say being pregnant in the summer is bad, but personally I would much rather spend the hot months pregnant than breastfeeding postpartum.

2. Some sort of sweet bread or muffins for breakfast

Having friends bring you dinner or freezing meals while pregnant is fantastic and quite helpful. But I find sometimes making breakfast is harder than making dinner. For dinner, at least you have several chances throughout the day to make something (although it still might not happen). You'll almost certainly wake up starving after sleeping all night (ha, just kidding), and it's unlikely you'll have time to make something. Bake some banana bread (or healthy whole wheat bran muffins or something if that's your thing), pre-slice it, and then you can grab a slice, eat it one handed, and it doesn't get cold or soggy if it takes you an hour and a half to eat it. The giant box of granola bars from Costco accomplish the same thing, but I'm not in the camp of "now that I'm a mother I don't even care how food tastes I only care about my child". Nope, food should still taste good. Sorry I'm not sorry.

My mom sent me more chocolate chip pumpkin cream cheese bread. She's the absolute best.

3. Friends on the same wild ride as you

It's invaluable to have friends with older babies/kids who can guide you. I also highly recommend finding someone else knocked up due around the same time as you, within a few weeks ideally. It's perfect if a pregnancy pact with existing friends works out, but if not, use the internet. While I do make most of my friends on the internet these days, I was due two weeks before a good friend I've had since before the internet even existed, unless you count the days when you used AOL to ask A/S/L until your mom needed the phone and you had to log off. Its disturbing to me that there are potentially people reading this that don't have a clue what the previous sentence means.

A baby in a hooded towel always cheers me up.

Anyway, pregnancy and it turns out, babies are different practically day to day and you really need someone to commiserate with at each point along the way. No one understands how pregnancy makes you crazy like another prego, and you need that person to talk you down when you are ready to kill your husband because he made you dinner and used the wrong kind of corn (true life over here). That's not even getting in to all the weird stuff post partum and trying to figure out your baby. Bonus points for friends with babies of the same sex as yours, because diaper changes are unique for each sex.

She also gave me the Halo swaddler, which for us is a lifesaver.

4. A kindle and good books

I got so into the last book I read that I would find myself still reading at 3am after putting Dalton back to sleep. Theoretically you could just read archaic paper books but those generally require light and two hands, which are two things that are off the table for middle of the night feedings. I just started rereading Mockingjay to prepare for the big day next month!

5. The ability to throw your expectations out the window

When I was pregnant, I imagined Dalton adorably snoozing in the Rock and Play next to us sleeping in our bed. I would easily grab him and feed him and then put him back, gaze adoringly at him, then drift off myself. Well, that's not exactly how things have played out. I read in a mom Facebook group to do whatever gets everyone the most sleep, and we are following that advice.

After the honeymoon first week, when he was exhausted from being born, he wanted nothing to do with the Rock and Play.

Week 1 and then never again.

In fact, he didn't want to sleep anywhere but on one of us, so we took shifts throughout the night and day for the second week or so (and still do now as needed).

I wish I could nap like this guy, but I'm broken and can't nap.

It also turns out that babies, this one at least, have two sleep modes - frighteningly silent and still, or loud as hell, grunting and groaning like a full grown adult. When I can resist the urge to constantly poke him while he's in deep sleep to make sure he's breathing, I can sleep myself. But the grunting and groaning keeps me wide awake. Right now Dalton and Eric sleep in the living room at night (Eric can sleep through anything and anywhere, although he surprisingly wakes up when he hears crying like 85% of the time) and I sleep in the bedroom with the door open so I can hear actual cries, but not every little tiny sneeze. It's not what you see in the movies but it's working for us at this moment, and we'll switch it up as need be. We can hang out when we're awake.

 

Napping in the swing.

My wonderful friend passed this Mamaroo and I'm afraid to say anything about it for fear of jinxing but let's just say he doesn't hate it so far.

6. A really cute, sweet, loveable baby

Because otherwise all this work would probably suck, but I wouldn't know.

 

Another amazing friend made him this hat. I have some good people in my life.

 

This is really unrelated but I've gotten some really good advice here. C-section moms: I have random numb parts of my belly, is this forever or will it go away?

Any other advice - motherhood or in general?

 

 

 

 

Let's clear things up - I'm pro complaining

It's time to clear something up. Two things really, but they are kind of related. Here are two rumors my blog has started (based on both Facebook and real life comments that I've received).

1. I have my act together as a new mom.
2. I'm against complaining.

When this is your view, what's there to complain about?

I promise you, neither of those is remotely true. But I absolutely see how I'm giving off that mistaken impression (although I would guess yesterday's post did some good work to disprove statement #1).

Let's take a deeper look. We'll start with #1.

I don't have my act together. Trust me. I do have something that makes me luckier than literally every other new mother I have ever met. My husband has six weeks of paternity leave and has been home with me full time. I could go on and on for days about how wonderful this is and how grateful I am and how it's a crime that every father doesn't get more leave. I'll just say that obviously I'm able to stay significantly more sane with only 50% of the parenting duties, not to mention having another adult around who is not filled with crazy postpartum hormones to talk me down if need be.

Or I could just stare at baby feet in socks that look like sneakers.

Second, this is a blog. My internet persona is different than my real life one. I decided in that time I can barely remember, before I had Dalton, that I was going to focus on the positive if I wrote any mommy posts (and then it turned out all my posts are currently mommy posts.) There are more than enough posts, articles, tweets, etc. on the internet to convince someone that parenthood is the worst mistake a person can make, or at least it feels that way when you're pregnant and terrified. My blog didn't need to be one more.

It will be a happy place of bright colors and cute babies!

On to #2.

I'm not anti complaining. I see that Facebook thing that's like "Go 24 hours without complaining and your life will turn around and be full of free money and calorie free chocolate!". I doubt I could last even an hour. Complaining is actually a good thing (or maybe we should call it venting), in my humble opinion, because it lets you get your frustrations out in a healthy way that doesn't result in you getting fired or divorced or some other disastrous consequence. Having other mothers to commiserate with is essential.

I just think complaining about your family (and that includes your baby, even though he or she is too young to understand) falls into the vast, underrated category of "things to tell your real life confidants and not your random Instagram followers". I can text my mom or sister or BFF and let out my frustrations about the baby being up half the night, and they are well aware that doesn't in any way affect the intense, unconditional love I have for him. Tweet the same thing out to a few hundred followers, however, and they might not necessarily be so sure. Plus, who knows what will happen to this series of tubes we call "the internet", but I hate the idea of Dalton eventually finding a giant collection of my complaints that make it seem like I hated caring for him (which couldn't be further from the truth). I'm not claiming to know much about young children, but in a decade of teaching, I have learned that kids figure out technology way before you might expect.

He'll be proficient with an iPhone 6 in a week or so.

I'm not saying I'll never post anything that's not sunshine and rainbows. But posting complaints about life with a baby should follow the same rule as posting selfies. If you post an occasional one, that's fine. But if you look at your Instagram profile and find your own face staring back at you over and over, you've gone too far. It's not a good look.

Word.

I don't want it to sound like I've been posting disingenuous happy posts. I've 100% meant everything I've said. The takeaway here is that when I'm sitting down deciding "what do I want to write about today?", I'm aiming to mostly go for the part about how I just can't stop kissing those plump chubby cheeks rather than the low number of hours of sleep we got last night. That's boring anyway. I think at this point even the most childless bachelor knows that babies make you tired.

 

In the comments of this post, it's a safe place to complain about anything you want.