Dealing with a bad race: A how-to guide

After my failed race Sunday, I expected to spend the rest of the day like this.

But, it turns out I didn't. Here's my how to tips for staying positive after a bad race.

Tip #1: Don't be an asshole

It took awhile to get back to Baltimore, because there was a huge accident. The time went by pretty quickly though, since I had Ashley to chat with. Plus, only assholes complain about traffic because of an accident. Just try to stay thankful that you weren't the one in the accident. 

Tip #2: Eat awesome food

 I'm still not subscribing to the theory that "just finishing is an accomplishment!". Don't get me wrong, it is, especially your first time. But this was my 10th marathon, and at that point, I knew I could cover the distance, and that wasn't what I was going for. So I had no sense of accomplishment. But I did have a major calorie deficit, and PR or not, I planned to fill it with delicious, unhealthy foods.

Eric, my BFF Carolyn, and I went across the street to this amazing Mexican restaurant and Eric tried guacamole for the first time. It was both exciting and terrifying, because the selfless wife part of me wanted his life to be enhanced by learning to like it, and the (much bigger) selfish part of me really likes having any guacamole in the house all to myself.

Verdict: "It tastes like nothing".

You know you ran a marathon when: your husband weighs 100 pounds more than you, you both order the same dinner, and he brings home leftovers. You don't. Beef enchilada and tamale, if you're interested. 

 Tip #3: Wash it all down with wine for good measure.

I don't have a picture, so please accept this one of how our conversation led to getting out a
tape measure to measure heads as proof.

Tip #4 and #5 and #6: Make sure to get in some movement to recover, but don't waste that movement. Kill two birds with one stone and move somewhere with great dessert. Keep really fun company with you at all times.

I did my very important post marathon recovery walk, a full half mile to Baskin Robbins, where I got a gigantic brownie sundae. Once again, Eric had leftovers (he got whatever their version of a McFlurry is, we don't share desserts). Once again, I didn't. 

Bonus tips - make your friends and family take a timer pic with you for your blog. Everyone loves that.

Tip #7: Have a backup race

I'm delusional enough not to be upset, because I can easily fix my cramping and PR at Bob Potts....right?

Tip #7: Marry for love, but ideally a black guy.

This one actually has more to do with recovery. I'm still sore from the race. Not so much when I'm walking around and stuff, but when I try to get on the floor with the kids, I have that "oh crap, I just ran a marathon" feeling in my legs. I definitely need to be rested for another marathon in 11 days, so I took the past two days off, and I may take today too. I know this is shocking in the blog world, but I mean I took it off from any exercise - no crossfit, no barre, no gym, no exercise whatsoever.

I know what you're thinking: I'm taking a big risk, not burning any calories like that! Especially with bikini season around the corner. But for me, it's safe. My husband actually likes it when my ass gets a little bigger. I'm not trying to promote stereotypes, I'm just living by the immortal words of Sir Mix a Lot.

Who would cancel this?

It's an attitude like this that leads me to believe I wouldn't go far as a trophy wife, so luckily I didn't marry for money.

These are clearly genius tips, so I assume this post will be pinned and bookmarked like crazy. I don't really see how, but if you feel I missed something, add on any useful tips in the comments!

Delaware Marathon recap

If you don't feel like wasting time with that pesky reading, here's my race in a nutshell. Exactly on my goal pace until mile 20, then my calf cramped like crazy, and I came in at the pathetic time of 4:01:34.

The long version is as follows.

After a week of living it up on my college campus and then in Tulsa, I got home around midnight Thursday night, then stumbled my way through work on Friday. After a super easy 2 mile shakeout run Saturday, Kari, Ashley and I met up in Wilmington, Delaware on Saturday afternoon.

We started off our wild girl's weekend with packet pickup. It was a pretty small race, only around 750 marathoners, and my first outdoor expo.

The swag was pretty sweet. The marathoners got notepads and magnets (a teacher's dream), pint glasses, tech shirts, and this gorgeous hat.

Pulling. It. Off.

We were staying at a Doubletree, which was just fabulous. As if the cookies weren't incentive enough, it was also maybe half a mile from the start/finish. But it gets better. We were seeing all sorts of people dressed in crazy outfits - some sort of combination of adult prom/gay pride parade meets Jewish wedding/lederhosen. We finally asked our waiter what was up, we discovered the freaking King and Queen of Sweden were there on a visit! Kari explains it way better than me.

And as if that wasn't enough of a good omen, check out this bib.

Totally forgot I put my blog name on.

We had a classic girl's night in the hotel room, pillow fight and all. After a restful night of race-related nightmares, we were all up at 5:00am. Since we were staying so close, we got to relax in bed with our coffee and breakfasts, use the flushable toilet as many times as our little hearts desired, and leisurely stroll down to the start line at 6:30. We even had time for a porto potty stop.

We had really good luck with asking randoms to take our picture.

I was even feeling confident about my midget legs and big ass attempting to keep up with these long, slim legged beauties. 

Matching outfits are the key.

 As soon as we started, I was a little worried because the humidity was somewhere above 80%, and I hadn't been training in anything like that. Kari and Ashley were easily chatting and I secretly was freaking out because I felt a little like I did at the beginning of the Wineglass Marathon, when I could barely breathe.

By mile 6, we were in a nice shaded area and things were looking up. Ashley asked how we felt about a potential PR (she was doing the race as a training run), and I informed them that I felt good and furthermore, it was time to pick up the pace.

 Mile 7, things changed again. Ashley had to drop out of the race due to an injury acting up, and Kari and I decided our race strategies weren't really matching up, so we were each going to do our own thing.

Shortly after, I even listened to this song.

 The course was 2 loops of the half marathon route, so I was excited to know what was coming in the second half. I passed Ashley cheering outside our hotel, the finish line, and then headed out for the second half feeling like this.

I'll never let go.

At mile 14, I put in my music and started rocking out. My goal pace was somewhere between 8:50-8:55, and until mile 20, I was right at 8:51. It felt tough, but doable, and I knew I could keep it up for 6 more miles.

Then that magical feeling turned into black magic and it all went to hell.



My left calf was suddenly hit with a major cramp, and it shocked me so bad that I actually cried out. It went away, so I kept going, but it kept happening over and over. This has never happened to me in any race, or any run at all, it's only happened twice in my whole life (while I've been sleeping). The reason I know this is because leg cramps are one of my greatest fears. I've actually posted about it before.

I took a salt pill, got some Gatorade at the next water stop, and even stopped and stretched, another first in a marathon. My pace had already slowed to about 8:57, because miles 14-20 are mainly uphill, but I had planned on that and knew I could make it up in the last 6. But now, it was down to 8:59, and every time I dipped below a 9:00 mile, my calf seized up again, and then my right leg started joining in. By mile 21, I decided that my triumphant PR race was now a 26 mile training run for the Bob Potts marathon in two weeks. 

These splits really say it all.

The last 6 miles were a pretty big downer, and still felt hard even though I was running so slow. I passed Kari and Ashley in front of the hotel just before mile 26 and screamed "THIS IS NOT GOING WELL". I was actually pretty proud of myself for that, because I really had many more choice words for the race, but there were children around. 

I contemplated throwing my water bottle in a major tantrum at the finish, but I didn't know anyone there, so I figured that might be anti-climatic. So I just hightailed it to the beer and wine tent, took a sip of champagne and then spit it out and nearly puked, then found Kari and Ashley so we could whine on our trudge up the hill back to the hotel. 

All in all, a great girl's weekend, not a great race. Ashley was out at 7, Kari had to drop at the half due to an injury (and wasn't even allowed to cross the finish), and then there's my sob story. We took a defeated picture in the hotel lobby before we went home.

Even though I was upset, and ready to lose it on the next well meaning person who said "at least you finished! that's still an accomplishment!", it's just a race and not, in fact, the end of the world. 

This failed attempt was easier to swallow than LPM. Partially because I'm just getting better at sucking at life, but for other reasons too. At LPM, nothing went wrong. I just ran too slow. This slow time has a specific culprit for me to point the finger at. I'm looking at you, calf cramp. Here's my breakdown of what went wrong.

1. In the 8 nights leading up to the race, I stayed in a hotel  for 6 of them. I know some people travel all the time, but I'm a teacher and therefore not one of them. 
2. I also know a lot of people have a glass of wine every night, but I'm not one of those either. As much as I profess my love for wine, I usually stick to one night a week, maybe two at most. I also drank 6 out of 8 nights leading up to this race. Wine, cocktails, hard liquor, hard cider, you name it. I knew this was going to happen, so choosing this race was a bad call. 
3. I spent the week drinking soda instead of water.
4. I usually eat a banana every day, but couldn't find any in Tulsa.
5. Wednesday, I walked around in the sun all day and had barely any water. 
6. Thursday, I spent the afternoon/evening on a place, again with barely any water. 
7. I tried a last ditch attempt at hydration Friday and Saturday, but I think it was too little, too late.
8. The race was crazy humid, and I was sweating significantly more than on recent training runs. I filled my bottle at least twice as much as usual, probably 8-10 times during the race, and still never had to pee until hours later (extremely rare for me). My face was completely crusted over with salt afterwards, also not the norm.

Looking at this, I'm not sure what the hell I expected to happen. But, this is fixable, I was able to hold my goal pace for 20 miles and still feel strong. I still think the Run Less, Run Faster training plan helped me, but I'll withhold official judgement until after Bob Potts. I'm a bit sore, so I'll mainly focus on resting and yoga until the race. 

Anything else I should be blaming this race on that I missed?

Any ideas for cheering up after you totally suck at life (doesn't have to be race related)?

All gifs generously provided by Kara.

Do fries twice in one day count as carb loading?

In a few hours I'll be headed to the airport, and my chapter in Tulsa will be closed. It's been quite a wild ride.

On Tuesday, after our presentation (which got rave reviews, BTW), I glammed up for the conference's red carpet gala. I had two hot dates for the evening.

Check that out - even wore heels

The gala was Oscar - themed!

This is really, really rare, but I developed a crush on a man at the gala. Usually I'm all about the ladies, which I attribute to a higher percentage of attractive females than males on earth. I developed this theory after years of observing the population from behind the register at Starbucks.  Fun fact: I played trumpet for 7 years, up until 11th grade.

Anyway, my crush was a trumpet player in the amazing band at the gala. I had some competition from my friends for him.

When the band took a break, we took in the view of the Oklahoma sunset from the rooftop deck.

Obviously I had to post these on Facebook, as #proof, and within seconds I got a notification that Kara was about to revoke my blogger status for forgetting something very important. 

#duckface #proof #getafterit #coworkersnowthinkiminsane

 After a few hours of dancing, the gala was over, but we were feeling like our night was only beginning. The problem was, it was a Tuesday at 10pm, and we were in Tulsa. 

Yelp, Urban Spoon, and Googlemaps couldn't help us, but finally we met some random teachers from Albany, and we found the 6 of us piled in a cab, on our way to a drag show.

I definitely would not have expected to ever spend a weeknight at a drag show in Oklahoma, but I can't even tell you how glad I am that I did. It certainly wasn't my first time at the rodeo, and wasn't even my first time seeing a drag show "with" my boss (the first time was a long yet hilarious story), but it was my first time getting hit on by a man at a gay bar. 

Not-so-humblebrag - Tulsa has been awesome for my self esteem. The teacher from Albany turned out to be a total creepster and wouldn't stop hitting on me until I moved to another table. Then the next day, a man came up to me on the street and asked if I was a runner or a biker - he said he could tell from my legs! This doesn't really happen a lot, aka ever, to me, so just in case I'm ever having a fat day and post its can't cheer me up, I plan to fly to Tulsa. 

Wednesday, I did 45 minutes on the elliptical. Exciting. Then, we explored Tulsa! Spoiler alert - it didn't take long.

We had lunch at this lovely little outdoor restaurant.

We got two recommendations for neighborhoods to check out. Both of them....didn't have much going on. A few restaurants/bars, maybe one or two shops, and....that's about it. Maybe we are spoiled being from a big city? Nevertheless, it was a gorgeous, sunny day, so we still had fun wandering around.

The real downer was that we found this, but
none of my friends watch GoT, so I couldn't
make any funny jokes.

 We had the BEST DINNER EVER. For real.

First, we went back to this German beer garden type place that we found Monday night. It literally looks like a garage, so you are semi - outside. We ordered a bunch of their happy hour apps for the table (FYI - there were only 4 of us). Two orders of duck fat fries, a pretzel, and two orders of mini chili cheese bacon wrapped hot dogs. 

We devoured this and some beers (pear cider for me, which was absolutely delicious). We still felt a tad hungry after, but didn't really want more of the same. So we made the obvious choice. We took a little break and sat and chatted for a few hours before round two of dinner. What goes great with German food?

11pm unpictured sushi. Clearly. If eating fries twice in one day (I had sweet potato fries with lunch), plus sushi and a cookie dough milkshake counts as carb loading, which I'm pretty sure it does, color me marathon ready!

tl:dr version - don't plan your trip to Tulsa for the excellent sight seeing, but if you have awesome people to hang out with, it can still be super fun and tasty.

Ever been to a drag show? Thoughts?

Important medical advice needed

Hello from Tulsa! I truly never thought I would find myself in Oklahoma, but here I am. And here's why.

I'm kind of a big deal.

My work BFF Kristin and I are doing a presentation, and we are here with some other coworkers learning all sorts of cool stuff at the conference. Don't read that in a sarcastic voice, I mean it.

But the conference is only during the day, so we've taken to amusing ourselves by exploring Tulsa in the meantime. Here's the highlights.

Towing, I've heard of. Immobilization - not so much.

On our hotel. 

That only took about 5 minutes, so we had to find some other way to pass the time.

Cinco de Mayo mojito 

Did you know this is Tulsa's ONLY rooftop restaurant?

 I have a big marathon coming up on Sunday, but Kari was kind enough to write the obligatory freak out post, and saved me the trouble. Actually I'm not quite sure what the hell is going on, because normally public speaking and goal races leave me frozen in terror, but I'm actually feeling quite zen about both today. It helps that the conference doesn't begin until 10:45 am each day, and we are staying in the same hotel as the conference, so I'm free to enjoy plenty of sleep in the lovely hotel bed. 

I'm not exactly hydrating according to typical race wisdom, but I am following the Run Less Run Faster taper plan. Yesterday, I did the "around the world hills" workout on the hotel elliptical for 40 minutes. This morning, I completed the last speed work for the program! Crazy. 

I did a 2 mile warm up at 9:17, followed by 6 x 400 at 7:04 with 400 rest intervals, and a 1 mile cool down at 8:57. I don't know if the treadmill wasn't calibrated right or what (and it was shaking like crazy, so not exactly top of the line), but the 9:17 warm up felt like a walk, and the intervals felt fast but short and relatively easy. 

I know you are all awe struck and jealous of my fabulous travels, but try to put that aside to provide me with important internet medical advice. My marathon is Sunday. I have a physical next week, and I want to get blood work done to check my iron levels and cholesterol and all that good stuff, and the only time I can go is Friday after work. I'm terrified of needles, so I've never done this (and it's seriously the equivalent of someone with a fear of heights voluntarily sky diving) and don't know what to expect. 

Is it a bad idea to get blood work done so close to a goal race? Please weigh in and tell me if I should reschedule the whole thing.

I'm a creepy old lady

This was a difficult post for me to create. I took approximately 976 pictures of my nephew this past weekend on my visit, and I had to narrow down just a few winners to include. No easy task, since he always looks good.

 I'd been eagerly anticipating this visit for months. Like, fantasizing about it on cold February runs eager. To the point where I was afraid it could never live up to my expectations. But, it not only lived up to them, it exceeded even my wildest dreams (spoiler alert - I'm pretty easily amused, so that's not really saying much). 

Friday, after work, I was so excited that I ran too fast. Let me repeat that. I ran too fast. I was supposed to run 10 miles at goal marathon pace, 8:53. I did it at 8:39. Usually people saying they accidentally ran too fast makes about as much sense to me as that crap about dessert being "too rich to finish". But this time I was pretty much buzzing with eagerness to get the weekend started, and took it out on the hills. 

After my run, Eric took me to the airport. Just a few short hours later, I was in my parents' family room, enjoying the homemade caramel sauce that my mom just casually whipped up on top of strawberry ice cream, an unlikely yet delicious combo, by the way.

Saturday morning, I was so excited to go watch Harrison in his little swim class that I woke up too early. Again, unless you are a child under 6 on Christmas morning, the idea of waking up too early is completely ludicrous to me. To throw out another eating analogy, it's like when people say they are "too stressed to eat" (everyone knows eating is the cure for stress, duh). 

Even though I said I wasn't working out this weekend, I ended up doing 45 minutes on the elliptical at the YMCA before the swim class because I was too wound up to sleep. 

Then finally, I was reunited with the love of my life.

For new readers - I mean the baby.

No swim class is complete without a creepy stalker lady walking around the pool taking pictures.

The last time I saw Harrison was in February, and he wasn't exactly loving our bonding time then. He didn't really want me to hold him at all, and really, can you blame him? Some crazy lady that he'd seen a few times through the phone and the computer was suddenly there in person getting all up in his personal space. At first this weekend, it was more of the same. I held him for approximately 3 minutes while his dad changed out of his swim clothes, and he screamed the whole time. 

Then he went down for a nap, and I went out to visit my good friend Katylin and her adorable daughter, who is a month younger than Harrison. 

I don't know if he smelled baby on me or what, but after I returned from the visit, it was smooth sailing and we were no longer BFFs only in my mind. It was real.

I CAUSED THIS SMILE

Not impressed with the swings, but I swear he liked me.

Just playing in the car after the park.

I'm now realizing these pictures don't necessarily back up my claim, but I swear he was crawling after me and crying when I left a room. And plus this happened.

Our goodbye kiss Sunday.

So that was a major high point, not for this weekend but for the nearly 30 years I have spent on this planet. But that's not all.

College was pretty much the best 4 years of my life, as I assume it is for most people. I miss it desperately. While I've reunited with my college buddies in various cities around the country, I'd never been to an alumni weekend on campus, and I finally got to experience one in all its glory.

My sister is a fellow alum, and she really put the whole thing together.

Rocking out at the IB, the campus "club"

Her friends are awesome, but luckily two of my college roomies joined me. So I had some fellow representatives from the class of 2005, and didn't have to be the sad old lady tagging along with all the 23 year olds. 

In our apartment in spring 2004

Alumni weekend 2013 - haven't aged a day.

A night reliving our glorious college days was absolute perfection. We revisited all our old hangouts, which naturally included taking pictures in front of our freshmen year dorm rooms.

Can you tell I went to a state school?

I also met a professional body builder. This picture sucks, but seriously his body was just disturbingly jacked and tan. I had SO many questions for him.

Once again, I stayed out until 2am, and also once again, I was up at the crack of dawn. We drove back to our parents' house, where our mom had an amazing homemade breakfast waiting for us, and our stepdad roasted coffee beans to make the freshest french press coffee possible. Spoiled. 

I had to say goodbye, which we won't even discuss, and after a day of travel, I'm blogging from Tulsa, Oklahoma!

Did you love college as much as I did? What was your favorite part? I can't even choose. I loved it all. I mean except the classes, obviously.

The picture of co-dependency

Last night I was all excited to post that my beloved Civic was finally being returned to me. My friend was nice enough to take me to the shop after work, I handed over my credit card, yet again, and was on my merry way.

Not even 5 miles of driving later, the dreaded oil light came on again. This damn light was what immediately preceded my terrifying breakdown on the highway last week, so naturally the only reaction to seeing it again was a complete panic attack and calling Eric. 

Well the Honda Civic actually IS really gas efficient.

Unfortunately, I didn't really have much time for the above activities, because I was headed to my school's honor roll awards ceremony. Actually I was already on my school's street, so I decided to temporarily abandon the issue and rush inside, since it was about to start. Turns out that was a wise move. I thought I was there to clap, cheer, and provide moral support to my kids - from the audience. Nope. As soon as I walked in, I heard "and the teachers are going to be handing out the awards! First up, Mrs. Lindsey!" and then the next thing I knew I was on stage with a microphone. 

Eric had advised me to check my oil, so after the ceremony, I rushed out to the parking lot and did just that, because I was supposed to go to a training right from the honor roll night. 

I checked the oil. After I checked it, I really had no idea what to do with that information. So I texted Eric a picture of the dipstick and called him.

My name is Alyssa and I'm helpless with cars and don't care. When people ask me why my car is in the shop, I say it stopped running and if they need further information to contact my husband. I guess we almost have a perfect 1950s marriage because he also handles all the money and I do the cleaning. Except for the fact that I'm the one bringing home the big bucks. 

Really who even cares what this text says?

I was advised to go home and bring it to another shop today, and luckily the car made it home, because if I found myself on the side of the highway again I'm pretty sure I'd be leaving in a straight jacket this time.

This first animal meme I've ever found funny.

Not to worry though, because remember that weekend of awesomeness I mentioned? It's nearly upon me, except it's more like a week of awesomeness.

Friday: Fly to my hometown, Rochester, NY, to hang out with the world's best family and cutest baby

Saturday: Alumni night with my sister and college roomies - we go to our alma mater and pretend we are in college again all night. Enough said.

Sunday: Fly to Tulsa, Oklahoma to present at an educational conference

Thursday: Return home

Saturday: Drive to Delaware for the marathon!

So as you can see, I have more than an entire week before I need my car again, and we all know if there's one thing that solves a problem, it's just peacing out and pretending it doesn't exist. 

What's your breakdown of duties in your relationship?

My cardinal sin

After being without my car for an entire week, it has finally recovered from its epic breakdown and is back in my possession. Edited to add: not for long. The same light that signaled the whole problem is already on. Awesome.

It was basically like this, but dark out and with more crying.

Now, as promised, I can terrify you with my Run Less Run Faster so called taper. 

With the race only a week and a half away, usually I'd be enjoying a few nice, easy, untimed 5-7 milers. If I felt like it, that is. RLRF taper is a bit different.

Confession: I committed the cardinal sin of doing speedwork the day after my long run. On RLRF, you are never supposed to do back to back runs. It sounds crazy, but the book says it's important to recover in between each run, because they are all so intense. Luckily that part was in the first chapter, which was as far as I got. It turns out not all runners are as gifted in the art of writing as I am.

But my upcoming weekend is jam packed with so much freaking awesome that I refuse to take even 30 minutes out for exercise, so I had to knock out this week's 3 runs on Monday Wednesday and Friday.

Monday: It was disgustingly grey and rainy, so I stuck with the treadmill, because I'm a wimp and I wanted to watch Buffy. 

The workout: 1 mile warm up easy, then 5 x 1k @ 7:19 pace with 400 intervals, and a mile cool down. 

For the 900th time, RLRF, I'm not in this to improve my math skills, dammit. 

So at each mile, I ran at a 7:19 pace until I hit .62 and then ran easy, usually around a 10:00 pace until the next mile. Not exactly just throwing down a slow little 5 miler to get ready for race day.

Tuesday: spin class

Wednesday: more speed work!

The workout: 2 miles at 9:35, 3 miles at 8:00, 1 mile at 9:35

The actual:

This workout was one of those that I had anxiety about before I went to bed the night before, because running 3 miles at an 8:00 pace is no simple feat in my world. It was extra hard because I had a dream that Jillian Michaels was doing the workout with me, but not as my trainer, as my BFF. It was hard for both of us but we encouraged each other along and then went to a Ravens game when we were done. Imagine the trauma of having to wake up, realize she doesn't even know who I am, and then have to go do the workout alone. 

On the topic of serious problems in my life, Game of Thrones is already halfway through season 3. 5 more episodes and I'll have nothing to live for.

We all loved that little flashback of Ned in the opening credits this week, right?

So after all that fretting about this run, it actually wasn't bad at all. In fact, I actually feel like the speedwork is getting easy. I hate to even throw that out there for fear of the jinx, but I think it's true. I've had track workouts, tempo runs, and races that were gut - wrenchingly hard, and every single second I wanted to cry and had to constantly beg myself to keep going. With the exception of my first few runs on this plan, when I was recovering from a marathon and failing at reading charts, that hasn't been the case.

Today's run, for example, felt hard, but comfortably hard. Really, all my runs recently have, even though they've included paces that I initially laughed and/or cried at. Plus, I've mentioned numerous times that I have absolutely no problem with low mileage, in fact, I enjoy it. I think it's safe to say I'm a RLRF fan, and I'd like to put it out there now, because that could all change come race day!

What celeb would you want to come guide you through a workout? It doesn't have to be someone in fitness. I would also gladly accept The Rock, Katy Perry, or Jennifer Lawrence.