Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Dealing with a bad race: A how-to guide

After my failed race Sunday, I expected to spend the rest of the day like this.

But, it turns out I didn't. Here's my how to tips for staying positive after a bad race.

Tip #1: Don't be an asshole

It took awhile to get back to Baltimore, because there was a huge accident. The time went by pretty quickly though, since I had Ashley to chat with. Plus, only assholes complain about traffic because of an accident. Just try to stay thankful that you weren't the one in the accident. 

Tip #2: Eat awesome food
 I'm still not subscribing to the theory that "just finishing is an accomplishment!". Don't get me wrong, it is, especially your first time. But this was my 10th marathon, and at that point, I knew I could cover the distance, and that wasn't what I was going for. So I had no sense of accomplishment. But I did have a major calorie deficit, and PR or not, I planned to fill it with delicious, unhealthy foods.

Eric, my BFF Carolyn, and I went across the street to this amazing Mexican restaurant and Eric tried guacamole for the first time. It was both exciting and terrifying, because the selfless wife part of me wanted his life to be enhanced by learning to like it, and the (much bigger) selfish part of me really likes having any guacamole in the house all to myself.

Verdict: "It tastes like nothing".
You know you ran a marathon when: your husband weighs 100 pounds more than you, you both order the same dinner, and he brings home leftovers. You don't. Beef enchilada and tamale, if you're interested. 

 Tip #3: Wash it all down with wine for good measure.

I don't have a picture, so please accept this one of how our conversation led to getting out a
tape measure to measure heads as proof.

Tip #4 and #5 and #6: Make sure to get in some movement to recover, but don't waste that movement. Kill two birds with one stone and move somewhere with great dessert. Keep really fun company with you at all times.

I did my very important post marathon recovery walk, a full half mile to Baskin Robbins, where I got a gigantic brownie sundae. Once again, Eric had leftovers (he got whatever their version of a McFlurry is, we don't share desserts). Once again, I didn't. 

Bonus tips - make your friends and family take a timer pic with you for your blog. Everyone loves that.
Tip #7: Have a backup race
I'm delusional enough not to be upset, because I can easily fix my cramping and PR at Bob Potts....right?

Tip #7: Marry for love, but ideally a black guy.

This one actually has more to do with recovery. I'm still sore from the race. Not so much when I'm walking around and stuff, but when I try to get on the floor with the kids, I have that "oh crap, I just ran a marathon" feeling in my legs. I definitely need to be rested for another marathon in 11 days, so I took the past two days off, and I may take today too. I know this is shocking in the blog world, but I mean I took it off from any exercise - no crossfit, no barre, no gym, no exercise whatsoever.

I know what you're thinking: I'm taking a big risk, not burning any calories like that! Especially with bikini season around the corner. But for me, it's safe. My husband actually likes it when my ass gets a little bigger. I'm not trying to promote stereotypes, I'm just living by the immortal words of Sir Mix a Lot.

Who would cancel this?
It's an attitude like this that leads me to believe I wouldn't go far as a trophy wife, so luckily I didn't marry for money.

These are clearly genius tips, so I assume this post will be pinned and bookmarked like crazy. I don't really see how, but if you feel I missed something, add on any useful tips in the comments!


  1. First of all, Eric has never had guac???? How does that even happen?

    Your words are so wise. I just wallowed in my misery for a day and then got over it.

  2. Um, I didn't do jack for three days other than sitting in a moving truck, and I didn't run a marathon, so does that mean I'm shameful?

    I feel like there is a story behind the measuring tape!

  3. Where is the "pin it" button for pinterest??

    How had Eric never had guacamole before? He needs to live a little.

    Also, that is the freaking biggest race medal I've ever seen. It looks heavy!

  4. Holy crap that DE medal is HUGE! Tote that around for a few days and consider it your post-race workout.

  5. You only live half a mile from a Baskin Robbins? That would be dangerous if it were me! Sounds like you are moving on just fine!

  6. Eric never having guacamole is truly tragic. As is the fact that you apparently got him tasteless guacamole. We must have a guacamole party, where I make real guacamole with my stellar New Mexican recipe and we convert him. Because he needs to be eating that stuff on burgers.

  7. At least your guacamole is safe in the house!

    You know how I feel about rest days. Necessary! I don't judge.

  8. Damn, it's too late for me on #7! I guess I'll be more picky with my next husband.

  9. Sorry I'm on Eric's side. It does taste like nothing.

    Leftovers? Oh that's what you call the meal you over pay for your kids and then they don't eat anyway so you take it home because it pisses you off to have paid so much for two tiny pieces of chicken and french fries.

    Sorry I have to be honest and serious for a sec. your race was a success. Maybe not a "time" success in your eyes but you learned from it and it all just make you a better runner (as if you really needed to get better. slow the F### down! you make me feel old and slow!)

  10. Your hair looks so good in that last picture, and you're surprisingly tan ... can you keep eating that much food but stop the running so I can be prettier than you? Thanks :)

    1. LOL, definitely a lighting trick on the being tan. I can recommend my patented hair method which involves washing and drying it as quickly as humanly possible and not really paying any attention so you can go stuff your face.

  11. I deeply regret that you went to a place with tasteless guac. Perhaps you don't want him to like it so he doesn't threaten your home supply. And I want to shoot mind bullets at anyone who implies one will get fat for not exercising 3 days after running 26 miles. I guess that's why I stopped hate reading other blogs. What were the results of the head-measuring?

    1. I apologize for not being clear. The guac was amazing. His taste buds are messed up.

  12. Love the pics, especially the head measuring! Good times...thanks for having me over. Sorry that I congratulated you anyway. I guess to me just finishing that distance is an accomplishment, so when you say 4 hours is a failure and miserable time, I don't quite understand. Makes me feel like a sloth. To each his own I guess. :)

  13. I love my friends that don't like guacamole, after getting over my initial distrust, plenty of extra guacamole for me!


Thanks for commenting! Comments make me probably more happy than they should.