Thursday, April 17, 2014

All pregnancy, all the time

I've gotten a lot of pregnancy advice along the lines of "you need rest, don't worry if the house is a mess, it's important to nap". You don't have to tell me twice, I've been ignoring messes since '83. I'm feeling wide awake right now, so I'll just take that to mean "don't worry if the house is a mess, just write a blog post about pregnancy".

I'll start out with a confession. I swore if and when I ever got pregnant (I was being a little dramatic when I swore this) that my blog wouldn't turn in to all pregnancy, all the time. Or even part of the time. We were very lucky to get pregnant quickly. I say quickly because that's what my doctor told me, and I love her (she let me come in without an appointment this week just to hear the heartbeat!) and believe everything she says, plus, you know, went to medical school and all that. And we were/are lucky. But at the time, six months did not feel quick at all. In fact, I got a serious case of pregnancy envy, and had to unsubscribe from every single pregnant blogger, twitter account, and even quit Facebook entirely. Although to be fair, Facebook was and still is annoying for quite a variety of reasons.

Around that time was when I made that grand proclamation to myself. But now here we are, and it's basically impossible to follow. First of all, my life is pretty boring. I'm not hob-nobbing with celebrities or flying around the world, or even really running much. Blogging about pregnancy is pretty redundant and done to death, but it's really all I have right now, other than finding good brownie recipes. Second, it's really, really exciting and essentially takes over all of your thoughts, so it's really hard to write a post where it doesn't worm its way in.

So that's where I am. But I still promise to never include a pregnancy based question at the end, because those really depressed me, like "ok, great, still not pregnant and I can't even f#$%ing comment on this blog".

I'm going to go ahead and make a statement that might make be unpopular, and might also come back to bite me, but here it is. So far, I've really loved being pregnant. I am honestly thankful every single day that I am, and I'm not even going to qualify that with some sort of sarcastic joke. I'll admit to finding myself wishing time away so September can get here sooner and we can meet the baby, but I'm trying to learn patience and enjoy the process, and sleep.

Here's some things that have surprised me so far, 17 weeks into this journey.

1. That show "I didn't know I was pregnant" might not be made up.
I've never actually watched it, but I have had someone tell me in real life this happened to her. Granted I'm less than halfway through, but I could definitely apply to be a contestant if I hadn't taken the at home pregnancy test. Sure, there's a few signs (most notably, hating coffee), especially if I focus on common symptoms and really look for stuff. But nothing that couldn't be explained away easily. Overall, life is pretty much business as usual, just without (much) caffeine and booze.

2. The anxiety
I'm no stranger to this, so the feeling itself is far from surprising. But what I'm anxious about is nothing like I expected. I live in terror of doctors, medical procedures, needles, etc. I always thought that I would instantly be terrified of the giving birth thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I will be, just not yet. I had no idea how long the wait was from the double line to the delivery room, or how much could go wrong in between. Currently, most of my anxiety is focused on just getting to that point, although I'm trying to keep it in check.

3. I feel like I'm getting punked. A lot.
Supposedly this will go away in time, but as stated above, when there's nothing really pointing to the fact that a life is growing inside you, apart from those wonderful fleeting moments at the doctor's office when you can hear the heartbeat, it's hard to actually believe it. I probably took about 20 pregnancy tests the first week I found out, all positive, and still was pretty sure this was a cruel joke. (To be fair, I took about 100 in 2013 that were all negative. I wish that was an exaggeration, but they come in packs of 50 on amazon).

4. Stranger danger
Even though I'm not 100% convinced that this is all going to go down, I still have heart palpitations at the thought of handing the baby over to daycare in January. 2015. Almost a year away.

5. Stuff I thought would happen when I get huge is happening now
I still maintain #1, because like I said, this is all stuff I could rationalize some other way. But I thought things like the bed feeling way too small, running feeling nearly impossible/being out of breath a lot, and constant peeing would be like....month 8. Maybe 7, since I'm short. But no, now. My friend pointed out that even if nothing is happening on the outside, my organs are actually being smushed. So that explains it well enough for me.

6. Pregnancy brain - it's real
I scoffed because right away Eric started mocking me with that every time I made some sort of typical human error. But then one day, I almost ordering a sub at Wegmans. Like, communicating my order was just too hard for me. Then a rep at Verizon tried to explain this new billing program we could enroll in. She wrote out all the math and drew diagrams. And I was like this:

Finally, I was walking down the hall and decided to stop in a coworker's room for some chocolate. I forgot. I didn't remember until like 7pm that night. I FORGOT TO GET CHOCOLATE.

This week: sh!t is getting real. I'm flying through stuff on my spring break checklist (the stuff I can do from the couch, anyway). I got dates for childbirth/newborn classes, got some bloodwork done, scheduled two daycare visits (by far the scariest thing), joined amazon moms, ordered some baby care books, read a really long article that compares various strollers and car seats and cribs, etc, and got a haircut (unrelated but fun). If anyone has any advice on books that tell you something along the lines of "how the hell do I keep a newborn alive", please share.

What's the most terrifying thing you have done lately? It still shocks me that on that list, getting bloodwork done wasn't #1. #sobrave


  1. When I was at 17 weeks I was still on board with your #1. Now, at 25 weeks, I'm not so sure. My belly is protruding a lot more and there is a lot of movement. However, I'm still enjoying the fact that I've been free of morning sickness (knock on wood).
    I haven't had too many 'pregnancy brain' moments yet but I'm sure it'll hit me at some point! The worst I've done so far is wear my glasses in the shower but my husband and friends have told me they do this so it isn't too out of the ordinary.

    1. Hmmm....I would appreciate if you could keep that quiet because I'm really enjoying blaming everything on pregnancy brain and plan to continue :).

    2. I'm totally reading your comments for advice! I closed my blog down earlier this year and didn't have many readers anyway.

  2. Keeping a newborn alive? I'd recommend getting the "Happiest Baby on the Block" dvd. It's the best 45 min of information ever. It will keep you sane.

    1. Yes! We had the book and the techniques helped so much!!

    2. I will agree with Kara on this, get the DVD, it was amazing with my first child, my second child had apparently already read it and didn't give a shit about the amazing techniques as far as I could tell her technique was wear mom down, but hopefully your baby will be more like my first one.

  3. It's kind of stupid, but my absolute favorite keep me mommy-sane item is the Duckymeter bath thermometer. I like really hot showers and lack human understanding of appropriate bath temperatures. I have yet to scald (or freeze) the baby thanks to this magical device.

    1. Thanks! I am the opposite and basically have the tolerance of a baby - I can't handle anything other than "lukewarm". My husband is more like you though and might need the duck :).

  4. The only thing worse than NOT being pregnant is people asking you when you are going to be pregnant. STOP WATCHING MY WOMB. I'm stressed enough about it That being said, congratulations to you!

    1. Yup, could not agree more, and we got plenty of that in the 5+ years of childless marriage! Now I have people telling me I got the timing wrong and I am about to be miserable all summer.... well, so sorry, I'm not god, we did the best we could.

  5. I found this book to be pretty useful...
    and I'll second the "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD. We were able to get it through Netflix but apparently our local library also carries it.

    I can relate to a lot of the points on your list...I have an almost 4 year old and an almost 2 year old and, dude, pregnancy brain morphs into mom brain and it is no joke. :)

  6. A woman in CT didn't know she was prego and had a 9 lb baby recently. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? I mean a tiny baby is one thing, but 9 lbs!?

  7. I don't know about everyone else, but I am THRILLED that you're going to be chronicling your pregnancy. My husband and I plan to start trying soon, and I just can't read enough about it! In fact, I think I found you when someone else congratulated you on their blog and I was like "score! another pregnant blogger to read." I have no idea how long it will take for us to get pregnant, and I know the stats are only 50% after six months of trying, but my husband (who's name is Eric also) says that because I'm Mexican it should happen a lot faster :P
    I also feel like I'm a lot like you. I have already ordered those 50 packs on amazon (with the ovulation strips). I am taking my temperature, tracking my cycle, I have bought books. It's a sickness really. Because we're not even trying yet! BUt I just want to be prepared, and even though I KNOW you can never really prepare, it makes me feel better, okay? Thank goodness my husband can handle my crazy. ANd yes, I am also so sad that my children will have to go to daycare...

  8. Your post brought flash backs.

    1) Yes, feel very fortunate for getting pregnant so quickly. It took us three years. We had to get help from a fertility clinic, but luckily she stuck on the first try and was worth the wait.

    2) I can't wait to ask you at month 7 if you are still loving being pregnant. I remember being so uncomfortable at night when trying to sleep. If you don't already have a ton of pillows, you need to invest in a few more or even the ginormous pregnancy pillow. I slept with pillows surrounding me and one between my legs. It made sleeping a little more comfortable...and I'm stressing the a little part.

    3) The things you worry about: During my whole pregnancy my biggest fear was pooping on the delivery table. As soon as I heard there was a high chance of this happening I was sure it was going to happen to me. Luckily it didn't, but this was actually the last thing on my mind during labor.

    Also around the 8 month mark I would lay in bed and would say to my husband, "What have we gotten ourselves into...I dont think we're ready."

    Just remember the you and the baby are learning at the same time, so you have an easy audience to please.

    Also, I used to laugh when all people talked about were their kid(s) but now as a mom, I realize how much they occupy your life. That is really all you do have to talk about other than work. So in conclusion, being pregnant is your life, so don't feel that you should restrict yourself from talking about it. I love it and can relate.

  9. I have appreciated that your blog hasn't turned into a total pregnancy blog, mostly because I can't relate to that, having never done it...but I do like hearing about your experience! And you are an adorable pregnant lady! I love your attitude about keeping the kid alive. So many bloggers succumb to the mommy wars even before they have baby. Everyone's ranting about natural birth, breastfeeding, yadda yadda yadda. Keeping the baby alive seems like a way more practical strategy.

  10. i can agree with #1 up until 36 weeks (when i got sciatica)! enjoy it!

    seeing the heartbeat is amazing, right?! i was lucky (or unlucky - depends on how you look at it!) to get ultrasounds all the time. i love the reassurance because you do feel like you are being punked.

    post about what you want to post about! pregnancy is so all consuming, it's impossible to not post about it. wait until the baby gets here, you'll be doing things you never thought you would do (and reading crazy stuff and asking other moms all sorts of questions).

  11. Okay, so my terrifying in no way compares to the things you have been conquering. This week I had a meeting for work, and during said meeting I had to get up in front of approx. 50 (okay, more like 30...) people and speak for about 5 minutes. For whatever reason, public speaking terrifies me and I have never been able to get over it. My heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest and my hands were shaking. That happens to me even when I just have to introduce myself in front of a group larger than about 10.

    Needles don't bother me, though. So I will trade you needles for public speaking if you want. I figure you're pretty comfortable on that front, being a teacher and all.

  12. Ok, so in regards to #1: i had a roommate in college who had a baby in high school and INSISTS to this day that she never knew she was pregnant! She gave the baby up for adoption, but says she was totally shocked when that pretty little girl came out. Seriously.

  13. I have to co-sign on the Heading Home with Your Newborn book and Happiest Baby on the Block book. I heard the DVD is great as well. Also, if you are going to breastfeed, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. And a breastfeeding class. Because of the Woman,y Art, I knew to ask the lactation consultant to check the inside of my babies mouths. My second child had a tongue-tie, which was fixed in the hospital.


Thanks for commenting! Comments make me probably more happy than they should.