Tuesday, February 10, 2015

I am busier and therefore more important than you and here is why


Let’s talk about why it took me two weeks to write a single post. (Although I did write this post and get paid $15. I've never been paid to write before and $15 buys like half a month of diapers. Almost.)

Amazing photo courtesy of my mom!

Just kidding, he's perfect and can do no wrong. The problem, as usual, is that I'm not a lady of leisure.



Lately, my life consists of managing to fit in three things. Keeping Dalton alive, keeping myself alive, and trying not to get fired.
 
 
We are living in a disaster zone. I managed to clean before my parents’ visit by just not going to bed after feeding Dalton at 3:45 am, and this was on a work day. Luckily for the internet and world at large, I am willing to spend this morning’s two hour delay blogging about how I have no time and ignore the fact that every article of clothing we own is clean on our living room floor.

Before our floor was a war zone.
 

I always thought I was fairly good at time management, but that’s gone down the tubes. In order to wake up at the crack of dawn to do a tiny bit of exercise, I go to bed the same time as a 4 month old. Then I read approximately half a sentence of my book and pass out. I’ve been at 18% on the same book on my kindle for like 3 weeks. Let’s not even talk about how behind we are on our TV shows. It’s embarrassing. Also we totally don’t need any time together as a couple. Overrated. We can talk while we give Dalton his bath.

 

When we get home, I start the balancing act of not wanting to waste a single precious second together, yet needing to be entirely ready for bed before starting Dalton’s bedtime routine and getting absolutely every single thing ready for the morning to streamline that process. And, you know, eating dinner myself. That happens through a combination of babywearing and running around like a crazy woman during evening naptime. I really don’t understand where the time goes because every night I am sure I’ll have time to go above and beyond and do actual house cleaning, and not just the minimum amount of chores needed to get us through the next day, and every night that doesn’t happen.

 To further assist me in failing at life, tomorrow I begin a required class to teach fifth grade heath that is 3 hours after work. So I'll be away from my baby for 13 hours. Pretty sure the Geneva Conventions should ban that because it's cruel and inhuman.

This post is not all a complaint. I have mastered some important skills. I can now literally feed my child while I am sleeping. I can pump while driving. I can eat lunch in under 5 minutes while pumping. I can pump and soothe a baby simultaneously (ok most of these skills involve pumping). I can also speed up pumping (slightly) by using one arm to press down on the pumps and the other to type one handed on my laptop and therefore continue working. I have bruises to prove it. And I never bruise.

#mommymartyr
This is how I spend my nights now.
I'm actually changing the name of this blog to pumping is my life. Note - NOT one day's worth, unfortunately.


Weekends, it’s amazing how much time grocery shopping and prepping meals for the week takes up. I could actually spend more time on my weekends being productive, but then I wouldn’t have any fodder for a whiny blog post, so instead I spend the rest of the time having fun. Family time, coffee with my BFF, trying new workout classes, and mommy night with my fellow pumping teacher buddies.

 

 
 

They have girls. I laughed at him in pink and promoted gender stereotypes.


It's true though.

I need more ways to combine necessary activities in order to introduce TV back into my life. Ideally learning to pump on the treadmill. Or possibly clean and sleep.
 

12 comments:

  1. Do you pump after you run? Everytime I do that, I basically get nothing. The human body is a mystery.

    Could you watch TV on your phone when you do night feedings?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I totally registered on that baby site, just so I could vote for you. Hopefully that isn't weird.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh the wonderful 5th grade health unit!!! Taught it several years! Practice saying penis and vagina now!! I said it out loud so many times driving back and forth to work for weeks just to make myself immune to it for when it was time to say it facing a bunch of 10 year olds! Just think what Edward would say- "SAY IT.... OUT LOUD"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh the wonderful 5th grade health unit!!! Taught it several years! Practice saying penis and vagina now!! I said it out loud so many times driving back and forth to work for weeks just to make myself immune to it for when it was time to say it facing a bunch of 10 year olds! Just think what Edward would say- "SAY IT.... OUT LOUD"

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank goodness I have your mailing address for this giant gold star I made for you.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Have you thought about renting a hospital grade pump for work? I finally did that and it.was.awesome. It's faster and quieter and no pushing so hard on the girls required. Added bonus - one less thing to lug to and from work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I second the hospital grade pump rental. It was worth the expense for me.

      Delete
  7. During my short-lived breastfeeding days, our pedi told me that there are bras specifically designed for pumping and they're the best. have you tried one of those?

    ReplyDelete
  8. A friend gave me a coupon code / promo credit for Peapod when my LO was a baby. I'm sure the experience depends a lot on the local grocery store, but my experience was good. Maybe Peapod, or a similar grocery delivery service, could help you have a few more minutes with Dalton and make you feel less insane?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, I thought of something else while thinking about the hospital pump. A friend used some sort of microwave bag for sterilizing pump parts. I don't remember the details. She said it cut way down on the amount of time she spent washing and sterilizing pump parts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for all the ideas!! I have considered the hospital pump and it sounds amazing. But we are hoping to purchase a house soon, so right now I'm going to have to just suck it up. I really should just complain less!

      Delete
  10. i just love love reading about the reality of motherhood and you are the first blogger to actually keep it real. As in, yeah it's tougg, but this is my life and kids are only young once. none of this whiny BS or lying about having help or how you're perfectly okay leaving your kid at daycare. I think you are the most relatable by far!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting! Comments make me probably more happy than they should.