Retribution and backup retribution

I need to retract an opinion I shared in my previous post. I was not aware that Josh Duhamel was married to Fergie, and he just shot up a notch in my eyes. Glad I got that off my chest.

As Kari posted, 26.2 retribution will hopefully be ours at the Delaware marathon on May 12. In order to prepare, we are trying out a modified (shortened) version of the Run Less, Run Faster plan. Because I'm a hipster dork, I just picked up the book from the library.

From here on out, it will be referred to as RLRF.

Even though I've always been all like "I love cross training! People who run too much are crazy!" (too much being a relative term), I got pretty comfortable with my 40-50 miles per week and the idea of running less, much less, to prepare for a marathon is scary. But you know, the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and expecting different results and all that.

The plan is also frightening because when you do run, you run really hard. But that doesn't start until Tuesday, so that's future Alyssa's problem. Current Alyssa has her own problems, which naturally we will delve into in this post.

First of all, let's discuss workouts this week. Kristy recommended really easing back into training in a sort of reverse taper method, and since she's an expert coach and Boston qualified runner AND has been successful on the RLRF plan, we listened. Last week I ran ten miles, did two yoga classes, and one short Jillian workout. 

This week included slightly more exercise, but not too much. 

Monday: Hip Hop Abs

Tuesday: 6 mile easy run (9:20 pace)

Wednesday: 30 Day Shred, Level 2, aka 25 minutes of intense pain

Thursday: AM - 5 mile "tempo" run with 3 miles at GMP (goal marathon pace, 8:49, overall pace 9:13), 

PM - Bikram yoga

So here are my problems.

1. The goal marathon pace miles this morning felt like an all out sprint and my heart rate was through the roof. That pace is less than 10 seconds per mile faster than the pace I ran the marathon last week. In laymen's terms, I could barely run 3 miles a tiny bit faster than I just ran 26 miles. I understand that even though I'm not sore, I'm still recovering from that effort, but, WTF, I want to be all better NOW. 

2. I'm addicted to my new treadmill. Imagine this scenario: you wake up early, it's dark outside, the temperature is the 20s, and there may or may not be wind, snow flurries, sleet, or ice on the ground. Here's the options you are faced with: put on a billion layers, knuckle lights, and pepper spray and run in all that crap, OR put on shorts and a tank top and run while watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which I'm completely addicted to, by the way. Which would you choose? Obviously, I've been choosing the latter recently. But I started pumping up the incline to 1% at all times!

I can't think of a smooth way to segue into this, so I'll just throw it out there. I signed up for a backup marathon two weeks after Delaware, a super small race in Pennsylvania (about an hour away) called Bob Potts. So if Delaware isn't going well, I can throw in the towel and try again, and if it does go well, I'll run Bob Potts easy for fun. It makes perfect sense, right?

Any suggestions for how I can get back to normal running extra fast?

What are your current problems?

I met Sean T (in my living room)

Ladies, please take my advice, and go see Safe Haven immediately. It's no The Notebook, but nothing is, and it's way better than the last several Nicholas Sparks movies I've seen. 

I'm not so into Josh Duhamel or whatever his name is, because so far, once you go black you never go back has in fact, been true for me, but it my heart was pounding during the movie (due to the plot) and there is a kid in there that was at Olsen twin level acting. I do NOT throw that compliment around lightly.

Let's talk about people I AM into. Tonight is the Biggest Loser finale, and Eric and I devoted all our spare time this weekend to catching up on the FIVE episodes we were behind on. We only actually had time for 3, so hard choices had to be made.

I could not allow us to miss the finale, because it's live, and Jillian is going to be live tweeting, and I need to text all my friends watching, and Jillian has already described her outfit in her podcast and it sounds hot as hell. 

So to recap - Josh whatever I can't say or spell your last name - eh. Jillian Michaels - YES. I'm still considering a plan to gain like 200 pounds and try out for the show.

In my last post I was whining all about not being able to wear my new shorts because spring forgot to arrive, but then I remembered I have a fun new indoor running toy and now I can run in shorts any time I want. 

New shorts and me looking SUPER excited to run.

In my lifelong quest to become more like Kara and Kari, I finally watched the first episode of Buffy while I ran an easy 5 miles. I liked Downton Abbey, but it didn't really seem to be suited for psyching me up for treadmill running. Buffy seemed to really do the trick. 

Last week was a recovery week, so I took it nice and easy, ran only 10 miles, and didn't exercise before work even one time. I returned to the world of 6am this morning (5am is yet to come) and did a little cross training with a brand new workout video.

Kara sent me this for Christmas. When it originally arrived from amazon, there was no indication that it was a gift, so I had no idea where it came from, and Eric and I were frantically checking our bank account and my amazon account and I was pretty convinced I had some sort of sleep disorder that involved ordering random workout DVDs. So it was a gift and a puzzle, all in one.

After Christmas, I was too busy wasting my time running 50+ miles a week in order to not PR to try it out. It was a pretty good workout, but I'm a little concerned that my lack of sober dancing skills hindered me.

8 minutes until the Biggest Loser Finale. Blog post over.

What's your favorite workout video? Seriously, I need ideas.

My wild weekend

Wild St. Patrick's Day weekend over here!

I worked Saturday night and then got Popeyes for Eric on the way home (he was pulling an all nighter doing grad school midterms). Have you ever had one of their biscuits? They are epic. Combined with some smoked Gouda and Prosecco, it was quite a delicious dinner. It looks small, but don't worry I went back for more cheese and had a huge dessert. 

I've had plenty of wild St. Patrick's Days in my early 20s but now, ain't nobody got time for that (hangover). 

2007 - a night that went down in history

Eric's response to seeing that picture "Why the f%$^ were you dating a bear?".

That's not to say I won't be celebrating. I'm going to see Safe Haven with my two BFFs this afternoon. It was supposed to be our annual Valentine's Day date, but I had to skip town unexpectedly for that holiday, so now it's a St. Patrick's Day date.

No clue what it's about, but it's based on a Nicholas Sparks book, so
I know all I need to.

This weekend did have some excitement. I was super psyched all day Friday because I didn't have a long run Saturday, so I could drink that night. I had like a glass and a half of Prosecco while we caught up on the Biggest Loser (we're still behind though). Amazing.

Then I came really close to achieving one of my major life goals, but I had to open my big mouth and talk about it, and now it's probably down the drain.

Words with Friends, for those who aren't in the know

Of course right after this she got like a 35 point word and now we are neck and neck and I am paralyzed by fear and can't play.

Saturday morning I tried Yogalates. The yoga part was SUPER yogini and the chick running it was a tiny older woman who kept talking about aligning your 7 chakras. All the stretching felt great though, and it was nice and easy, perfect for recovery.

Then came the Pilates part. The sweet little old lady turned into a drill sergeant. I swear I'm not exaggerating when I say I'd rather run another marathon then repeat that 30 minutes of core work. I've never done Pilates and my entire body was shaking and it hurt so bad.

I got a really cute new pair of running shorts, that I absolutely needed, because they were on huge clearance at work. I checked the weather to see if maybe I could wear them today.

WTF?

I thought winter is supposed to be pretty much over now? This is unacceptable.

Oh, and I signed up for two marathons this weekend. Because I have problems. More on that later!

How'd you celebrate St. Patrick's Day this weekend? We are totally wearing green to the movies!

My rage isn't new

By popular request, I'm going to reveal something I'd really rather keep a secret. 

My beautiful "seeing the time clock face" isn't unique to this race.



First of all, it's been seen before, especially in this post. 

But that's not what I'm talking about. I've been making that face for like 20 years.

#rage #proof 

I didn't really want that picture to be on the internet. There are already more than enough horrible pictures of me on the interwebz to provide people who hated me in high school with plenty of fodder for amusement. HA! Just kidding, that wouldn't happen, I obviously wasn't popular in high school, as evidenced by the fact that I'm a blogger.

But Kara and my mom really pushed for the release of that picture. Kara provided me with excellent hospitality last weekend, letting me hold her baby and stuffing me full of carbs, so I sort of owed her. And my mom, well, she gave me life. For starters. 

So I was really in a pickle, but ultimately, I caved, so I hope you enjoy that picture as much as they have. It seems to be a constant face I make in candid pictures, I've even seen it in my wedding pictures, from the happiest day of my life. 

I really didn't want people to force me to eat any more. PS my shirt said bride.

Now I feel the need to post this. So the takeaway from this post isn't "damn that girl's ugly and I was right, she was a dork in high school!".

On this topic, this meme really summed up my life this week.

Does a yourecard count as a meme?

I've always been in the pro-sleep anti-look good camp, but this week I feel I've really taken it to an extreme. Like Kari said, I haven't been sore or extra hungry since the marathon, but don't worry, I haven't let it stop me from eating more and resting and "recovering" excessively. But I have been ridiculously tired, where no amount of sleep can satisfy me. So headbands, jeans, and fleece it is. Sorry coworkers.

I miraculously found energy to complete a 25 minute workout tonight - Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred, Level 2. At least it was an intense 25 minutes. 

Sleep or appearance?

Anyone out there a blogger who was popular in high school and cares to dispute my theory? So far the only exception I've come across is my sister.

3 things

Pictures from LPM are in. I had high hopes that even if the race was a bust, the pictures would be good, since my current blog header is from the race last year.

Not the case.

These pictures prove three things.

1. I wasn't half assing it during the race
2. I didn't see the cameras
3. I don't have a future in running modeling

Sexy.

My turn to share a story, apparently.

Fast forward to the finish - I still had delusional hopes at this point.

I "sprinted ahead" of Kari thinking I could PR - as you can see that got me pretty far.

Seeing the clock about this point....

As an apology for assaulting your eyes with my misery, here's a picture of our view during the first mile.

To continue the theme of lists of three, here are three positive things about today.

1. I'm really not sore at all from the race

2. I returned to Bikram (super hot intense yoga) after a LONG absence, and to make it even better, it was with a groupon for a new studio only a mile away from our apartment. I was dreading the workout all day and then it turned out to be glorious.

3. My BFF Casi started an awesome blog, and you should read it, because she gave me this epic coffee, and if you are her friend maybe she'll give you fabulous gifts too (I didn't run that last part by her, but fingers crossed).

I made it into Pioneer Woman iced coffee - WOW.

As a further apology for forcing you to look at those hideous pictures as proof I didn't phone it in, here are three things that were emailed to me recently that made me laugh out loud, so maybe they will make you laugh out loud too.

1. My stepfather sent this to me, and it pretty much sums up every morning in my life.

2. Kara shared this gem, and I challenge everyone to find me a woman who doesn't love it. 

3. My BFF Nicole sent me this, which should help Games of Thrones fans make it through the next 19 days until season 3 begins!

Extra bonus - check out Kari's recap of our race - she actually PR'd so hers is way more upbeat and better all around!

Let's all be touchy feely and self-helpy - can you name three awesome things about your day? 

Lower Potomac River Marathon Recap

Alternate title: the pathetic post I didn't want to write

The short version: I trained my ass off to PR in the marathon for 2 1/2 months, and failed.

Even our beautiful twinsie outfits couldn't save me

Spoiler alert: nothing went wrong in the race. I've thought long and hard about why I couldn't pull it off, and my friend Mike pretty much spelled it out - I ran too slow. Womp womp.

Friday night Kari took the train to Baltimore to visit me and run the race. We lived it up Friday night with crabcakes, Dance Central, and Eric's old yearbooks. We were in bed by 9:30, did a two mile shakeout run in the morning, and headed to southern MD to hang out with Kara for the night.

I meet my BFFs on the internet, you got a problem with that?

I'm not trying to be rude, but someone in her household had certainly put on some weight.

Kara gets full credit for the graphic design here.

We spent the night carb loading like crazy and I was also nearly paralyzed from cuteness overload, thank goodness I don't find dogs cute or I may not have been able to run the race at all (darn). If anyone out there is concerned that Faith is grumpy 100% of the time based on pictures posted on Kara's blog (like my mom), rest assured, she's basically the most adorable happy child on earth.

Sunday morning, we moaned the loss of our hour like every other whiny American and headed to the race. Kari and I had been pretty consumed with anxiety over our goal all weekend, so we were ready to just get running already.

This race is not like most marathons, in the best ways possible. There are less than 200 runners, no chips, and no tech shirts. You park mere feet from the start/finish line (aka traffic cones), hang out and get your bib in the comfortable, heated School of Seamanship, which not only has an awesome name, but tons of empty clean bathrooms. We headed into the cold (the start was 35 degrees) at about 7:11am for a 7:15 start. The course has mile markers, gorgeous views, and that's about it, except this year it featured a banjo player and a guy hitting a gong.

In short, everything went right. If I could have talked to God and put in my request for the weather, it could not have been better. First I was super rested from my snow day on Wednesday, and then the race varied from about 35-55 degrees and sunny with just a slight wind. No stomach problems, I didn't have to pee, nothing. Just too damn slow.

All my best races have happened when I haven't looked at my watch, even once, so I set my Garmin to only show distance and ignored it. It didn't work this time.

Post race sad faces

All of our splits for the first half were 8:45-8:55 with an exception of 8:36 at mile 3. So...perfectly on our goal pace. After that, we hit the hills. The hills weren't big at all, but we logged a few miles over 9 minutes. I guess we slowed down too much because my overall pace according to my Garmin was 8:53 and the last few miles felt like death. I thought we were pushing it, but they were all 8:50-9:00 (although my last .4 was at a 7:55 pace!).

Pushing it in at the end - until I saw the clock

My official time was 3:54:44, which makes this my THIRD 3:54 marathon. I took two bathroom breaks during Wineglass and got 3:54:35, so....yeah. Lame. 

I managed to put on a happy face because I was done!

So I crossed the finish line, dropped a few F-bombs, but then managed to get over myself because I was pretty honored that Kara had brought two small children to the finish line just to cheer us on, and that actually sounded harder than running a marathon to me. Plus, PR or no, it was time to celebrate. 

Well, after the tortuous two hour drive home.

Popping the cork on some fancy Prosecco 

We made this beauty as soon as we showered.

My food photography sucks, so here's a picture to show off the deliciousness.

Source: fahrenheit350.blogspot.com via Alyssa on Pinterest

Across the street from us is an amazing Mexican restaurant. We hadn't eaten anything but one of Kara's unbelievably good dairy free chocolate chip cookies since the race, which made the food taste like a 19 on a scale of 1-10. Then we came home and started the true partying.

Pajamas NOT optional

Somehow Kari had never seen or heard of Catfish, so I introduced her to my man.

He's just not that into you.

So that's the story. Consolation comments not necessary, I swear, Nev and wine cheered me right up last night and let's face it - this isn't exactly the tragedy of the century. But I will happily take suggestions more constructive than "you ran too slow" or ideas for redemption races within driving distance (bonus points if I can stay with you!).

A lot of things cause me anxiety

Here's some "confessions" on this lovely pre-marathon Thursday.

1. Sometimes I have text my sister before leaving for work in the morning to make sure I look presentable. Sometimes I have to text her three times. Today was that day.

She gave me a cute shirt for Christmas and I thought it was finally warm enough to wear something other than huge bulky sweaters (spoiler alert - I was wrong). Whenever I wear something other than a sweater that I've owned for a minimum of six years, I get serious anxiety about showing up to work looking like the dork who tried to dress like one of the cool girls. This persists even though I don't, in fact, work on the set of Clueless.

This final product

2. Oh, were you wondering what those huge plastic bins that are nearly waist - high in that picture are filled with? Well that would clearly be all our emergency supplies, because I married a doomsday prepper. The other day we were kind of quiet in the car so I asked him what he was thinking about, and rather than his usual "nothing", he surprised me with an actual response. "Things to get for the emergency kit". Right, of course.

3. I have the world's smallest bladder, so any activity that requires prolonged time away from a bathroom causes me severe anxiety. (Side note - that's the second time I've used that phrase in one blog post, I should really seek help.) That state testing that I won't shut up about falls into that category. Last year, I implemented a very specific three pronged approach to make it through. One of the prongs is going into the test dehydrated. I ran three miles on my new favorite toy, the treadmill this morning. I didn't drink any water and when you insist on sleeping in tropical temperatures and then running immediately after waking up, you work up quite a sweat. The good news is that I was once again successful with my state testing plan, the bad news is that purposely dehydrating yourself 3 days before a marathon is pretty dumb.

4. I hate texting people without iphones, because they can't see Emojis. I'm forced to use only this crap - :) or :( and can't express my real range of emotions. If you are one of these people, here are just a small fraction of the emojis that exist.

There are soooooo many more.

5. Eric made me an amazing turkey burger last night, and I made pretty delicious sweet potato fries, and it was all so good I just knew it was an instagram worthy dinner. I don't think I've ever had a turkey burger in my life, but feel free to contradict that Mom and Dad. I can't figure out how to turn that into a confession, unless I confess that it was a gluten free meal, or as I like to call it, out of bread. Unless sweet potatoes have gluten.

6. This is the forecast for my race.

This is a confession, because it, once again, causes me anxiety because it means I officially have zero excuses not to PR. I've followed the training plan, tapered to perfection, and now even Mother Nature is rooting for me. Crap.

Quick, help me out with a backup excuse in case things go to hell on Sunday! I can always use that I was trying to cut down on sugar before the race and I failed. Again.

What seemingly innocuous things cause you severe anxiety?