Wednesday, November 2, 2011

What really goes on during a marathon

This post was inspired by this video.

Here's my version.

Note - these pictures aren't actually taken at the mile markers I am talking about, they are ordered based on facial expressions.

Yay! I'm running a marathon! I am so hardcore. I feel great. The weather is beautiful. People are cheering just for me! Life is so good!

Still feeling pretty good. I mean, I'm getting a little tired, but I've already gone 9 miles. Wait a minute, that means I have 17 left. SEVENTEEN. That's a lot. CRAP. This sucks.

 OHMYGOD, I'm so freakin tired, I've only gone 12 miles, I'm not even halfway there, everything hurts, I'm sick of Gu, I'm just going to lie down on the side of the road. Well, maybe I can do a few more miles.

Listen to all those people cheering! And check out the gorgeous scenery! This is such a great day. Running is magical. The best hobby ever. I can't believe people don't want to do this. Running a marathon: BEST. IDEA. EVER.

Running a marathon: WORST. IDEA. EVER. 

I'm in hell, my legs hurt, my feet hurt, I have a side stitch, and I WILL kill the next person who bumps in to me, but there's a photographer! Quick, try to look like I don't want to pretend to trip just so I can rest on my way to the ER, and like I'm actually having fun!

Nevermind, forget it, smiling is taking too much energy right now. Just resort to my normal grimace of pain and maybe it will get covered up by the PROOF imprint.

If this bitch elbows me one more time, she's done. And WTF is that guy smiling about? I am so pissed off about him smiling. Look at that girl's socks! They are still so white, they don't even have any dirt on them, she's not even trying. It's pointless for her to even be next to me if she won't even bother to get her socks dirty. I'm just going to get incredibly angry about every single thing and I don't care how irrational it all is.

I'm at mile 22, four more miles should seem like nothing. Except, it seems longer than when I was at mile 4 and had 22 miles to go. Why does every mile get longer and longer? I thought it was a standard measurement or something. Are scientists meeting right now and changing the length of a mile? And every time they do, the race officials have to change the course accordingly? That must be it, there's really no other explanation for the miles growing like this....

That's IT, I am NOT running one more step without Katy Perry consoling me and telling me it will be ok. 

I can't BELIEVE they forgot the mile marker again. I've been running mile 23 for at least 6 miles, dammit. Oh, wait, there it is. They better not do this again to me with the 24 mile marker.

I have never wanted to lay down in the street and get trampled to death more.

My foot just hit the finish line sensor - PAUSE THE GARMIN!

I have no idea where or who I am, but I think it's time to stop running now.

Yay! I did it! I finished a marathon and have a pretty medal! That was such a great experience! I mean, maybe a few rough spots here and there, but overall, it was just wonderful and magical and extraordinary and so fantastic and everyone should do it and I can't wait to tell everyone how great I did and I'm going to do it all again soon and have just as much fun!


  1. Amazing! And also, that chick in the white socks looks like she's just standing there. Bitch.

  2. Ha, this made me laugh! I love people's faces in race photos!

  3. This post absolutely made my morning. Man, I look so great in all of these photos, I'm so glad they are on the internet.

  4. Scientists are definitely meeting and changing the measurement for a mile, but only after you've completed the first 18-20.

  5. This is such a perfect post! Captures everything perfectly!

  6. Ha, I love this! And seriously - you have a TON of pictures from the race!

  7. Haha! Congrats! Sorry about the elbowing.

  8. Hahahahaha, this is so great... I know that running commentary VERY well! Congrats again!

  9. OMG ALYSSA!!!! this was the best race recap EVER! :D

  10. Hilarious! I wish I could have such good pictures from the races I do but never do! This is awesome and I love that video!

  11. my favorite part of this post --> I'm at mile 22, four more miles should seem like nothing. Except, it seems longer than when I was at mile 4 and had 22 miles to go. SO TRUE!!!!!

    great post!

  12. This cracked me up! This is how I always feel when I'm running a marathon. How is your knee?

  13. These are some great pics + captions. I am amused by finish line pictures filled with people stopping their watches. Must have looked a lot different pre-Garmin!

  14. So why is there a guy sitting in the middle of the road in your grimace picture? He's facing the wrong direction too. So weird. Anyways, this made me laugh my butt off! Marathon runners are crazy.

  15. This is great! I love it Alyssa! Absolutely hilarious!


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