Tuesday, July 29, 2014

32 week update, HLB style

If you read any healthy living blogs (HLBs), you know that as soon as the blogger falls pregnant, they begin to write these type of weekly updates. I'll admit, I have discussed pregnancy ad nauseam on my blog, but I haven't done this popular update. I'm now 4/5 done so I figured I would give it a try. I perused a variety of extremely well written healthy living blogs (just kidding, that's an oxymoron) to find the topics I needed to include and modeled mine off of their format.

The bump: I took a quick self timer picture for your viewing pleasure. Then I realized I would be doing the HLB pregnancy update a disservice if I didn't include a variety of pictures of myself in the same outfit, same location, and almost the exact same pose.

I'm sure a real HLB would have put on makeup and changed out of pajamas, but I'm only willing to go so far.

Another picture of me looking pretty much exactly the same. Just realized I forgot to put my hand on my hip though.

The classic "hugging my baby". It came out blurry anyway so I took the opportunity to make it extra artsy.

I forgot to buy the fruit or vegetable that the baby supposedly looks like this week, but I already had bananas in the kitchen, so I posed with one of those instead.

Gender: I'll never understand why this needs to be included on a weekly basis, but boy.

Baby prep: Reading baby books, going to classes, looking at daycares. That counts, right? I'm also stalking our registry. Eric cleared out and painted the nursery.

Supposedly my "nesting instinct" should be kicking in any day now (even the childbirth class said it should). I've long suspected this wouldn't happen for me. I was unwilling to rule anything out, because I certainly know that hormones can make you do crazy, unexpected things. But so far, as predicted, I have zero urge to scrub my baseboards, or sanitize the couch cushions, or anything other than my usual urges to lay down, read a book, and eat some cookies. I can barely motivate myself to do the basic cleaning required to stay above college boy apartment level. I did start coming up with some ideas for freezer meals I can prep now, but I wouldn't say that's an "urge" as much as a feeling of "I'd like to continue to eat after this baby comes and I hear my time will be limited". I have projects that I'd like to do, but that would probably be more impressive if I actually attempted to do any of them. There's still time though, so you could find me on a ladder scrubbing the ceiling yet.

Mommy prep: Who else gets creeped out by people referring to themselves as mommy on the internet? I'd prefer if my son calls me mommy and it ends there. I already told my husband that under no circumstances is he ever to call me mommy unless he is talking directly to our child. I'm firm on this, and trust me, I've given the term a test drive. Do you know how often kids call their teacher mommy by mistake? I hear it like 3x/week, minimum. Which is fine, but I'm still not responding to it from people I haven't given birth to.

To answer the prompt, I'm following everyone's advice and sleeping as much as humanly possible. I'm nailing that one.  I just had my doctor fill out my FMLA paperwork, too. I'm getting the whopping cough vaccine tomorrow. Pretty exciting stuff. What exactly is mommy prep, anyway?

Food cravings: Cottage cheese. Since day 1, I can never get enough. It's the only one. I just ran out and it's torturous.

Food aversions: Starbucks drinks, but all other coffee is fine. Carrots and hummus, but I think that's actually because I OD'd having that for a snack every single day after school for like 5 years. I haven't actually had any aversions where the thought or smell of the food makes me sick. Some things I'd prefer not to eat, like everyone else.

Miss anything: How many options are there for this one, really? Alcohol, unlimited caffeine, Jimmy John's (pregnant women are advised not to eat cold lunch meat and Jimmy John's doesn't toast their subs, even by request) - I mean I'm looking forward to them, but I can't say I'm really missing them because it makes me feel like an ungrateful douche. It's 9 months. Suck it up, buttercup.

Maternity clothes: I can't even bring myself to care, so I don't know who else would. Obviously I'm wearing maternity clothes, just look at me. Actually, it's summer so I live in stretchy soft tank tops and pajama shorts (see above).

Workouts: I totally didn't plan this or anything, I just extremely coincidentally decided to do a post which includes my workouts right after a rare week of really good (for pregnant me) workouts. Crazy, right? Last week's workouts:
Monday - 30 min elliptical
Tuesday - kickboxing class
Wednesday - Body Sculpt class
Thursday - 3.5 mile run
Friday - spin class
Saturday - 40 minute stroller walk with practice baby (it was a real baby)
Sunday - 10 min incline walk and 30 min No More Trouble Zones

I wrote this post Sunday, and even though I didn't even publish it, saying I'd had good workouts jinxed me and I had to abandon my run halfway through yesterday. Womp womp.

Symptoms: Well, my belly is significantly bigger. I also feel a little boy moving inside me pretty frequently. Sometimes it's hard to breathe. Sometimes I have back pain. I'm tired 100% of the time. I have a new favorite bedtime snack.

And this is why I hate these updates. It's impossible to write them without it sounding like a bitch fest. Boo hoo, the privilege of carrying a child is slightly inconvenient for me.

Baby's size: This confuses me because most bloggers I see recap the previous week, so at 31 weeks the dumbass fruit he supposedly matches up to was a head of lettuce (18 in, 3.2 lbs). But today I'm 32 weeks, which makes him a.... head of lettuce? Seriously, the What to Expect app finally just gave up. This week the head of lettuce is 19 inches, 3.9 pounds.

Weight gained: This is definitely something I'm interested in posting on the internet. I went to the doctor yesterday and she said I'm measuring right on target, so I took that to mean I will go into labor as soon as the clock strikes midnight on my due date.

Stretch marks: Seriously no idea, I can't even see half my stomach. I did notice the linea nigra showing up. Eric thought I was making that name up. Google it.

Sleep: I can sleep 10 hours and wake up exhausted and still want a nap. I suspect I could probably sleep 22 hours a day and only wake up to eat and pee. It's amazing how well one can sleep when you don't have a job to wake up for. I go to sleep when I'm tired and wake up when I feel like it. I have creepy vivid pregnancy dreams every night that I rarely remember and wouldn't bore you with if I did, because I seriously hate when people want to tell me about their dreams in more than one sentence. Yeah, it seems exciting when you're in there, but hearing about it is not.

Well, I hope that wasn't as boring to read as it was to write. I can't imagine doing that on a weekly basis, although now I can say with certainty I haven't been missing out by not doing these type of posts.

Either based on this example or actual HLB updates, if you read them, which category do you find the stupidest? Aside from gender, I would have to go with symptoms, because I feel like people obsess over every twinge in order to generate a list. Mommy prep is a close second, although really it's a tough call since they are all so dumb.





  1. I think the " you'll be too busy to eat or cook" is a lie. The baby sleeps 80% of the time when he's first born. Free or premade food is always awesome though so still do it.

    1. Ha, exactly, he's not even here now but I still love a good night of delicious food and no cooking. I can always save the frozen meals for once I go back to work, too.

  2. I (generally) like those updates, with the exception of the ones that just say the same thing over and over every week...and link back to the first time they said that thing. If you don't have something new, just leave it out.

    Sorry for the creepy first comment. I think you are hilarious!

    1. I fully accept any creepiness that includes compliments. Carry on.

  3. I hate the gender one. The others barely bug me, but it's not like it's going to change. This week it's a boy! But next week it's a t-rex! Meh.

    Also, love the random banana. So much better than a head of lettuce!

  4. As someone who isn't pregnant and not going to be pregnant, I find this whole thing to be strange (ok, your commentary on stupid HLBs is not strange...that's funny!).

    It's just that I read a lot of running blogs bc I'm into running. Lately, like feel like half of my feedly has gotten pregnant so all these "running blogs" are about something I just dont' get. And obviously, it's their blogs and they can write whatever they want...I just do NOT understand posting stretch mark information to the internet. WHY???

    1. Personally it's not for me either. If I get hideous stretch marks my plan will be to attempt to hide them forever.

  5. I agree that anything that is repeated from a previous week definitely doesn't need to be restated.
    I hope for your sake that you do go into labor at midnight on your due date! I am now 40 weeks 3 days and I'm ready to meet my little dude! If no baby before then, I'm being induced next Wednesday. I chose the further date they'd allow in hopes my body will figure it out on its own... here's hoping!

    1. Every time you post I'm like "baby yet?". Fingers crossed he comes on his own!

  6. I also think these weekly updates are the worst and one of hte main reasosn ppl avoid pregnancy blogs, bc who CARES about that stuff? No one wants to hear what size fruit or vegetavble your child is. AND I also think putting the sex every week is stupid bc last time I check, it doesn't morph in there, right? Anyway...all this to say, thank you for telling us about how REAL pregnancies are :)

  7. I remember one of the first times I took my cat to the vet they referred to me as his Mommy and I was like "um, I did not birth this creature".

  8. This is the first pregnant update I've read. I skip them as I am not entertained by baby talk. But I am entertained by you, so you just made it under the wire.

    1. *pregnancy


    2. That's pretty much the exact comment I was going to write. So just read hers again and I pretend I said it this time.

  9. BEST PREGNANCY UPDATE EVER. But you forgot to tell us whether your wedding rings still fit! I'll just die if I don't know!

    Also: http://img.pandawhale.com/post-13167-I-hate-listening-to-people-s-d-VXoJ.jpeg

    1. I knew I would forget crucial information! Wedding rings are officially off!

      Love that meme or gif or whatever those things are called.

  10. The wedding ring bit, the gender bit, and the symptoms bit all get me. But honestly, I find that I tend to unfollow (at least temporarily) most bloggers while they are pregnant, because these things annoy me and waste my time.

    I mean, of course I want to read every detail about your training (and you mine), but why would I want to read about the PERSON growing inside of you?? <-- This is honestly how I feel. Judge away. I can't even explain it.

    So it's to your credit that, 32 weeks later, I'm still reading...thank you. Also, thanks for the laughs.

  11. I feel like most of the information included in these updates are talked about in every single post of pregnant HLBs. And so they offer no new information and really only bore me further.

    One of my coworkers is pregnant right now and she claims to not really have many cravings. It's more like she wants a bagel and now she is more willing to give into that craving now that she is knocked up. So I think the cravings thing is stupid. I have cravings too I just don't talk about them.


Thanks for commenting! Comments make me probably more happy than they should.