Wednesday, January 25, 2012

My dog aversion: The History

I do a lot of bitching and moaning about work (hopefully this statement surprises you because I've successfully limited it to Twitter and real life). I definitely don't say enough positive things about it. So, I'll say this blog post is brought to you by two of my wonderfully amazing work friends. Both of them are teaching my class tomorrow (at different times) so that I can work on report cards, which is why I'm currently typing this blog instead of endless comments. How great is that?

Of course, no one wants to read a lovey-dovey blog about how magical and special everything is, just like no one wants to read Facebook updates about how much this person loves their significant other (who is probably sitting on the couch next to them as they type it). At least, that's how I feel. I try to limit Facebook interactions with my husband to ones that mock him in ways that I feel the world should know, instead of just being limited to private interactions that only we experience. He just updated his status and used the wrong form of "there", and even though I'm not a grammar nazi, I'm struggling not to call him out.

So, let's do some complaining.

Yesterday, as I was about to leave for work, I knocked over the coffee grinder, which decorated my just-cleaned kitchen with coffee grounds. Everywhere. I knew I'd leave for work, forget all about it, and get super pissed when I got home and saw it later that night. 

Then, I started to walk to my car, and an unleashed dog ran directly at me while its owner stood across the parking lot laughing. 

I should probably explain that dogs terrify me. I got bitten when I was really young because these total bitch neighborhood girls (I'm still calling them bitches even though we were all like 4 at the time) told me I had to bring flowers to our elderly neighbors' house in order to get into their "club". They knew there was a crazy dog that lived there, and I was too young to read the warning sign that said something like "crazy ass dog lives here that WILL bite anyone dumb enough to approach". I never thought about it, but this story probably explains why I was so against pledging sororities in college. 

Not exactly relevant but this is the youngest picture of myself I could find on my computer.
So, anyway, obviously that story ended with me getting bitten, and it turns out there wasn't even a club to begin with. Apparently the story about the other members climbing to the top of the basketball hoop was a lie as well. Please note, I have never tried to convince anyone that I am popular or smart through the use of this blog. I'm not really the type to "forgive and forget" or "get over things", so dogs and I have never made up.
I am positive every interaction with a dog owner will end with something like this.
Back to this morning. FINALLY, after a long impasse of the dog slowly advancing and me slowly backing up, inwardly panicking, the owner came and got it. I told him I had a lifelong phobia of dogs and he looked at me all accusingly and was like "This is a therapy dog". He followed that up with going over to his friend (who was standing right by my car) and pointing and whispering about me in the style of seventh grade passing time.

To make things even worse, I don't leave for work until the last possible second, so I really didn't have time for all this crap. And I was scheduled to appear on our school's morning newscast (this may have been morning announcements in your day) to discuss my running in order to make the children realize the importance of a healthy lifestyle (seriously, not making this up, also not my idea), so I didn't need to be all rattled about scary dogs and inconsiderate pricks who own them. I was extra frightened because just a few days ago one of my students got bitten by a dog on a leash so badly on the way to school that she had to leave to get medical attention. 

There's your usual whiny, bitchy post for the day. You're welcome.

Yet another unrelated thought: For a second, I could swear President Obama was talking about new markets in Panem today. I need help. 


  1. Man, little girls can be bitches. I swear if I ever found out that Faith did that to another kid, I would break my "no spanking" rule.

    Also, the dudes with the "therapy dog" are huge assholes and I would have informed them that I have animal control on speed dial on my cell phone (yeah, I'm that person)

    If Obama referenced Hunger Games in a speech, he'd so get reelected.

  2. You should have a phobia of little girls, not dogs. Just kidding, but those girls are the worst.

    That guy with the dog was completely full of it. I'm with Kara, I would have threatened with animal control.

    I like your complaining posts. Who likes happy people anyway?

  3. A true "therapy dog" would not have approached you would have completely ignored you. I've been around enough properly trained therapy dogs to know that is not only how one would act, but that they have to pass rather rigorous tests (and follow ups) to ensure this reaction from them. In short, if that really WAS a therapy dog, it was an aberration at best....I suspect that the owner was just feeding you a line of sh*t though.

    You can't get a true therapy dog out of a sitting or standing position unless the owner directs them to do so, or they perceive the threat to their owner to be so obvious that an interaction is required. Don't you hate dealing with a$$hole$..?

  4. i love the backstory and love that you still hate those girls! when i was around 4, a little girl called me a pig (no clue why) and i still hate her. yeah, i hold just a little grudge!

    i hated sororities too, probably for the same reason.

  5. So sorry about the dog....I have a phobia too but I can't say where it came from per se. I am trying to not have my daughter totally pick up on my fears but she is in a way. Oh my!

    But is some ways, it is good. Dogs can be so unpredictable!

  6. I'm so glad I'm not a little kid anymore, so many of those things happen...wait, that stuff still kind of happens as adults just in different ways. A true therapy dog wouldn't have approached like that. I've also been around some idiot owners that have 'therapy' (not real) that just cause chaos like that as well, but the owner was the idiot. In many cases, hate the people, not the dog.

  7. I with the rest - animal control on speed dial. I also agree that true therapy dog wouldn't have done that. Idiot owner.

    I love the picture of little you!

  8. Told my wife about this at lunch, and she suggested that (if you are so inclined) that you ask that "friendly neighbor" where the dog gained his therapy dog certification....then contact them and let them know. If this isn't just a load of c**p, they will want to know about this and schedule them for remedial training.

  9. Those girls sound like bitches. They're all grown up now so I don't feel guilty for saying that one bit. You're also making me relive my childhood nemesis - the Japanese girls at my school said you had to have braces and black hair to be in their club. I used to pretend at the dentist to have an overbite because I wanted braces SO BADLY.

  10. It is funny that posted this as I had similar conversation with my husband last night. So I am not at all afraid of dogs. I run bike trails and every time I see at least one person on the trail who has their dog OFF of the leash. There are signs posted clearly everywhere that dogs be on a leash. Like I said, I'm not afraid of dogs, but it drives me crazy because I know people that are and it can be very scary. Plus with the leashes that extend out 15 feet there is really no reason to take them off of it.

  11. I think it's no small coincidence that you post this on the day I sent out a nice little facebook message to all 37 of my classmates from high school to ask for their addresses. I've literally spent the entire day remembering how mean and nasty some of those girls were to me and several of their "friends".

    I have two large dogs but I am very respectful that not everyone wants an 85 lb "small horse" running at them with his mouth open so I never allow Lucky near strangers or even our family and friends unless they ask to play with him. Sasha is entirely different. She senses when people are scared of her and she gives them lots of space which normally means she ignores them entirely but we still don't allow her to run free around everyone. I can't imagine how terrifying this morning must have been for you. I'm so sorry!

    As for those girls when you were 4 SHAME ON THEM! I'd love to know what they've done with their lives...

  12. What an awful thing to happen, girls can be such bitches! I would be afraid of dogs too.

    I am sure that is what Obama was talking about :)

  13. I'm so with everyone else on animal control. And a therapy dog should be better control on and off a leash. Whatadouche!

  14. It's stories like yours (and my own experiences) that allow me to breathe a sigh of relief that my little girl wants to be a little boy and only play with boys. At least little boys will just punch you. The pain is significantly less than the emotional trauma and for less time too.

  15. So if you back up your car over him, it's okay, as long as you're doing it therapeutically.

  16. I run with my dog, who is well behaved and kept on a SHORT leash as to not bother anyone else. I instruct him to leave it, cause we aren't out here to visit. I HAAAATTTEEEE the entitled dog owners who act like their crazy off leash, out of control dog, should be welcomed with open arms and a f'ing cookie. I've even had one SUPER rude lady who I saw coming with her dog, who was on a mile long, non-retractable leash, and I stepped off to the side of trail(hello ticks) and put my dog in a sit stay. She was on her PHONE texting and letting her dog drag her and be aggressive twards us!! I was furious. Got charged by two CRAZY off leash little dogs on Monday... Sheesh, I could go on and on.. I hate off leash dogs who don't listen, actually, I hate their owners.


Thanks for commenting! Comments make me probably more happy than they should.