Sunday, June 15, 2014

An incomplete list of how pregnant bloggers annoy me


Happy Father's Day! I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful father, stepfather, father-in-law, and husband soon to be baby daddy. But enough about that, I have some serious problems with things I've found on the internet that need to be addressed.

Now that I'm going through this wild pregnancy ride, I've started seeking out/actually reading blogs written by fellow pregnant women, because I like comparing experiences and whatever. It's made me really grateful that I have friends in real life who are/recently have been pregnant, because most of these blogs are annoying and full of insanity. If you haven't read any, I'll be happy to provide some links so you can also read with a WTF face and appreciate this post.  Here's a few of the more grievous offences I take issue with.

1. "The baby wanted it".

This justification is generally used for craving anything other than kale or broccoli and followed with a picture of something indulgent, like fries or a milkshake. The baby obviously didn't want it, but that's beside the point. You don't need a justification to eat something fattening. Just eat it. And shut up about it. Or post a picture to make others jealous. But stop acting like you need to remind people that you have some special permission.

2. The weekly check ins.

Is it really necessary to share that you have the same food aversions that you've had for the last 11 weeks? Or to use the word "constipation" referring to yourself on a public blog? Or include the sex of the baby every single week (I'm no scientist, but I was under the impression that it doesn't change throughout pregnancy).

This type of post reads to me like a list of complaints about the pregnancy. They used to really piss me off when I wanted to be pregnant and was consumed with jealousy, and they still do now that I'm here. Obviously there's plenty of stuff about pregnancy that's annoying but typing them all out together just seems a little much. Just whine to your husband and tell him to bring you some ice cream and eat it without posting on Instagram about how the baby wanted it along with 14 other hashtags.

I'll admit I wanted to do posts like this in some sort of private journal, just for myself, but I'm at week 25 and about 24 weeks behind on that.

3. The "I'm not fat, I'm knocked up!" workout attire

I think they usually actually say something like "running for two" or whatever. I've posted about this before, although I have a tiny bit more sympathy for them now. That's only because I'm a lot bigger now and I'm past the point of wearing all those unisex race shirts that were formerly way too big to exercise in (but seriously ladies, if you want a family, save those). I get the idea of wanting something long and stretchy to cover your belly. But some larger Ross Dress for Less tops are doing the trick for me for now, for a lot less money.

OMG I just looked it up and it's FIFTY FREAKING DOLLARS for one stupid tank top. Strangers can just think I'm fat and frumpy in my $6 discount bin XXL shirt that doesn't perfectly emphasize my bump and have writing explaining I'm with child in case that's not enough. Get real.

4. The five part series on "here's how I told everyone and anyone in my life the news!"

I swear that Pinterest is the downfall of our society. You can't just TELL people things anymore, or at least that's the impression the internet is trying so hard to get me to believe. All these blogs I read have these elaborate schemes of telling the husband he's about to be a father, most horrifyingly by attaching the positive pregnancy test to food, but plenty of other stupid ways sneak in there too. Here's how big life changes shake out in in the Lindsey household.

Engagement: Eric gave me a ring and asked me to be his wife.
Bridesmaids: I called them and asked them to be in my wedding.
Telling Eric I was pregnant: I told him I was pregnant.
Telling our families: Telling them they were about to have a grandchild/cousin/whatever the relation would be.
Sharing the sex: We said "IT'S A BOY!" on the phone or in a text.

Maybe I'm crazy, but these things are pretty exciting on their own, I don't think they need a scavenger hunt or craft or whatever to make them extra special. The NEWS ITSELF is the special part. Also, a lot of these blogs include video of telling the grandparents or whoever. We actually did take a video of telling my parents, but I would never share it on a blog, because it's not for strangers. It just seems way too over the top to share things that should be private anyway.

5. Saving pregnancy tests

This actually came to my attention from a Facebook post. Is this a thing? Tons of people commented how they still had their positive test, with kids who were like, 3. Sorry, but once I pee on something, that item becomes trash, not a memento. Look, I totally get that it signifies a life changing moment, I'm not a heartless monster. I think back on seeing that first positive test all the time and feel complete and utter joy, even if my first reaction was just to go tell my husband, not get out the laptop and search for cute ways to tell my husband on pinterest. But I don't actually need the test for that, I can just use this amazing thing called my memory.

6. "Baby X and I ran this race/saw this movie/did this thing"

No, you did that thing. You can say you did whatever activity with the baby when the baby arrives. Until then, you are just you.

7. The post about "How I handled my changing body" or some very similar title

Melodramatic whining/advice about how to be at peace with the big belly, higher number on the scale, clothes not fitting, etc, etc. These are not problems. You have another freaking person in you, so yeah, your size 2 pants won't fit. There's a lot of surprise pregnancy symptoms, as I'm discovering. These are not among them. Shut up.

8. The hashtags

Posting a picture of your belly and sneakers and Garmin with 12 variations of the #fitpregnancy hashtags is annoying enough. But now there seems to be a trend of posting random stuff on Instagram with all these hashtags that doesn't even make sense, it's not even a workout or anything. Also, you are not an "inspiration" for your baby by working out during pregnancy. Great for you if it works out to be active, but let's not pretend a fetus is impressed with your devotion to #healthy living #fitpregnancy #fitmama #mamalete #motherrunner #runningfortwo


This is clearly an incomplete list, I haven't even mentioned nursery tours or birth plans. But maybe I'll do a part two later this summer when I get working on those. Actually, my birth plan is already done, but I'll feel more qualified to comment on others once we take the childbirth class.

It appears it got wet - I'll be sure to laminate it and lock it in the safe from now on.

Please comment on any or all of these, because I'm sure we've all read a pregnant blog/had a pregnant Facebook friend/have known someone pregnant. And seriously, saving the pregnancy tests - is this a thing I don't know about?
 

23 comments:

  1. There's a pretty hilarious Facebook page called STFU Parents where someone rounds up ridiculous FB posts from parents and posts them. Some of them are things you mention here. Other things are like someone posting about their baby's poop or hijacking a thread about something completely unrelated with a story about their kid.
    Saving a pregnancy test? Isn't the baby proof that the test was positive? Basically those things are medical waste.

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    Replies
    1. I'm a huge fan of STFU parents! I legitimately laugh out loud at their posts. There's some friend of my husband's that's a serious mommy jacker on FB.

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  2. Anonymous StepfatherJune 15, 2014 at 10:56 AM

    I seem to remember a cryptic mug...

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    1. LOL yup but it wasn't just fodder for a blog post.

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  3. The blogs only get worse once the baby arrives. I had to stop reading them because I thought my daughter was way behind because she wasn't crawling at 2 months or something ridiculous like that.

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  4. The huge announcements to the husband make it seem like he's not really a part of things. Like why would you have to announce it? He should be the first person you talk to after taking the test.

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  5. I agree with all your points! I announce important life changes much the same way you do. I don't feel the need to be all cutesy or crafty about it.

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  6. Haha, "just eat it and shut up!" Well done. I was afraid I was going to be guilty or some or all of these, but all the same stuff annoys me too. Adding to your pregnancy test items, I am always annoyed by the dramatic photos of 8 or 9 positive pregnancy tests. Were they really unsure after the first two or three positives?

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  7. I love the third point on your birth plan! We're taking baby classes at our hospital, and while the labor and birth class is a SIX-SESSION series, the "how not to accidentally kill your child" class is only a couple of hours long. I feel like maybe it should be the other way around.

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  8. Ha!! This is amazing. As a "never been pregnant, so therefore I am a hypocrite," person who thinks she's pretty sympathetic to all 9 million of her friends with babies, I salute and thank you. (The majority of) my friends agree.

    (Not sure if I've commented here before. I found your blog sometime last fall and thoroughly enjoy it.)

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  9. So I started a reply only to delete it because I think I could go on and on about this. I think it's worse after the baby comes out. Then there are several pictures a day of their "cutest kid ever!" pictures. You shouldn't need to tell people your child is the cutest kid ever if this truly were the case. FYI we all think our own kids are fricken adorable.

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  10. Hahaha this is awesome!!! And funny enough, I know where some of these are coming from...did I direct you to one of these blogs?! :)

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  11. Everyone keeps asking if I did something cute to ask my bridesmaids to be in my wedding. It sounds cute to do something special but I don't have time for that. And I was excited so I pretty much just asked them immediately. This weekend i told my cousin I would just send her a 6-pack with a bow and a sign that says will you be my bridesmaid because that sounds like a gift she would actually use.

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    1. When I got married (pre-Pinterest), it never even occurred to me to do something fancy to ask my bridesmaids. I just... asked.

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  12. I have a friend who posts Fb pics of her kid and tags them #aBlankandBlankcreation. I hate it so much.

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  13. Fact: You're one of the only bloggers that I didn't unfollow once she got pregnant. So thanks for not doing the annoying things. And I totally agree that Pinterest is ruining everything. Not everything has to be a major event, people.

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    1. This is probably the highest compliment my blog has ever received.

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  14. i absolutely hate the weekly updates, because a lot of that stuff doesn't change and frankly, no one really cares. as for how to tell the husband you're pregnant, i plan on having him there while i take the pregnancy test (well not like physically there but you know what i mean). my husband works 24-hour shifts, so the idea of taking one in the morning and then having to wait a WHOLE day until I could see him and tell him just doesn't suit well with me. SO I only take them when he's home.

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  15. i can't NOT chime in on this one…oh, where do i begin?!?! yes to - weekly updates (no one cares but you), the damn hashtags, and the "running for two" attire (someone - seriously - asked me when i was going to wear one. they obviously don't know me.)

    epidural asap - that was me 100%!!!

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    ReplyDelete
  17. Lol, I love this. I think the worst thing of all is the birth story that people blog about and use graphic detail to describe the process without warning you up front. I honestly don't want to know and if I do I'll ask my sister or my best friend to tell me the truth.

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  18. This was so Helpful Anna. i am just 9 weeks pregnant with my first baby and even doh we are over the moon with excitement, it is super scary and daunting! i must def check out those bras asap, my boobs are killing me all ready. so I have to say that for the last few of hours i have been hooked by the impressive articles on this website. Keep up the wonderful work and if you want more info about this topic then visit pregnancy miracle system

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting! Comments make me probably more happy than they should.